~The Elder Scrolls Headcanons~

These are all the headcanons I've have for The Elder Scrolls, a series of fantasy role-playing games with deep and expansive world-building. The characters, societies and history of Tamriel can turn easily into a springboard for fans' imaginations, including mine.

~The Life and Times of Lydia the Housecarl~

• Lydia grew up in a small village somewhere in the wider Whiterun valley area. As the daughter of a thane, she could have been the village's pampered little princess, but she was always more interested in running around and playing with the other children.


• Her full name is Lydia Burden-Sworn. As of Last Seed, 4E 201, she's thirty years old.


• Lydia was strong, capable and kind-hearted as a child, and the other children pretty much flocked to her. Over time, she became the one everybody in the village would go to when they needed something heavy moved.


• When she turned sixteen, Lydia's parents handed her to the Jarl of Whiterun as a squire, or whatever the technical term is for a juniour housecarl. This wasn't Lydia's decision, it was quite obvious that her father had been given a sizeable cash injection for dry-stone walls in return. Lydia got to train under Irileth, though, so she was quite happy with the arrangement.


• Lydia grew into a very skilful warrior. Countless missions across Whiterun saw her fighting bandits, fighting wild animals, helping move the furniture in Dragonsreach, fighting more bandits, playing horsie with Dagny and Frothar, escorting people across the hold, and fighting further bandits.


• Lydia is very popular in the city, a friend to everyone (except Sinmir, who tried to pinch her bottom once, and Belethor, to whom she soured after a long argument involving goat's milk and window panes). The local children, and also Ria, love playing with her when she has a spare afternoon.


• One of Lydia's dreams is to own a horse. She wants to be a proper Rider of Whiterun, with a spear, a yellow cloak, a nice helmet and the wind blowing through her hair. Every Skyrim player knows about Whiterun's famous cavalry, I'm certain. Sadly, horses are expensive, so Lydia's dream has been put on hold for now.


• Lydia never quite developed a healthy problem with authority. She's worldly enough to know oppression when she sees it - she can understand the case for Skyrim seceding from the Empire, but also the case for rejecting a would-be king who's happy to stir the flames of Nord-supremacy to get people behind him. She plans to stick with Whiterun wherever the city ultimately ends up.


• In a relationship built on rom-com stereotypes, Lydia would either be the Sensible One or the One who Does What She's Told. When she went out with Jenassa for a couple of months, she was both. Jenassa was amazing in bed, but in the end, Lydia wasn't really happy in the relationship.


• Apart from her armour, Lydia usually wears normal clothes: brown trousers, a beige or yellow shirt, and perhaps a waistcoat or tunic. She doesn't do cute clothing, except an apron on occasion. If you have Skyrim for the Windows Personal Computer, you should do Lydia a favour and download Tathrin's "Common Clothes: Vanilla Matches" from Nexus Mods, so she can wear a tunic and trousers which don't magically transform into a dress.

~Excessively Twee Whiterun Headcanons~

• Irileth is an honourary big sis to the entire Whiterun guard brigade. Commander Caius is only a little bit jealous of the respect she commands among them.


• Despite her usual miserable attitude, Saffir has managed to give her daughter Braith one decent piece of advice: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. This led Braith to try to woo Lars by making him an apple pie.


• Picture Braith, red-faced and scowling terribly, holding out the pie for poor Lars. "J-just eat it, you stupid milk-drinker! I need you to be strong so you can fight back, or... or something! Would you prefer horker and ash yam stew?! I-I don't care if you'd prefer horker and ash yam stew!"


• Farengar Secret-Fire was sulking for days over not getting to see the dragon at the watchtower.


• Whiterun has a population of 512,830, including the farms and meaderies in the Greater Whiterun Metropolitan Area.


• There never seem to be any vampires in Whiterun. There have been quite a few werewolf sightings in the city, mostly from drunkards and people up late, yet no actual attacks. It is said that creatures of the night dare not come to Whiterun because they know the Companions are there; make of that what you will.


• There's a fancy clothes shop in the Wind District. Ysolda and Olfina have managed to try on every item of clothing in there without actually buying anything. "Babe, that tunic looks soooooo vanilla-plus on you! Is it really less than two thousand polygons?!"


• Ulfberth War-Bear is a talented blacksmith, although he specialises in repairs and making custom pieces rather than forging an endless stream of iron daggers. He sometimes takes commissions.


• Sigurd, who works for Belethor at the general goods store, has always wanted to make a difference in the world. Although he isn't in a position to do great deeds, he tries to help people wherever he can, be it by helping fix people's houses after a dragon attack or giving Lucia a blanket and some food. He fancies Alfhild Battle-Born, but he's accepted that she and Idolaf are happy together now, so that ship has sailed.


• Alfhild may or may not have a thing going with Gwendolyn at the family farm.


• Ria is a certified Eager Beaver. Aela the Huntress once talked her into carrying all her things "for exercise" when they were out exploring. Kodlak once talked her into mopping all the floors in Jorrvaskr "for two-handed weapon practice". Uthgerd once talked her into polishing her armour "for armour-polishing practice". Lydia once took her out to lunch and helped her re-string her bow.

~Excessively Twee Winterhold Headcanons~

• There are about twenty thousand people in Winterhold. Thousands left after the Great Collapse, namely those who could afford to move out, and who dared to make the long journey through bear, bandit, wolf, troll, ice wraith, draugr and avalanche country. Winterhold was bled dry of the rich, the brave and the foolish, leaving hunters, fisherfolk, farmers and the College's mages behind.


• The people of Winterhold don't really bother with money any more. Travellers come and spend the stuff on occasion, but for the most part people do what work they're good at, help each other when they can and share what they can spare. Winterhold may not be a busy or fancy city, but its people care for one-another and no-one is left on their own.


• The College of Winterhold is of course the mammoth in the room; part of Winterhold, yet standing aloof from it, feared and distrusted by many. The College is often blamed for the Great Collapse, and a few of its mages have begun to resent the people of Winterhold, enough to leave the gate barred against a possible angry mob.


• While there is a deep, painful rift in Winterhold's history, there are still people who reach out across it. Sometimes mages still blow storms away from the coast, heal the sick and wounded, teach magic tricks to anyone who'll listen and drink the night away in the Frozen Hearth. A lot of people welcome them into the town, are glad of their help, and lend a hand at the College where one's needed.


• Jarl Korir would love to be a "proper" jarl: rich, powerful, feared and adored. He'll settle, however, for "nominally in charge of a city where no-one is starving, homeless, a religious extremist, or hell-bent on conquering the world with dark magic and legions of undead". He keeps Winterhold's treasury (both piggy banks) safe for whenever the city needs a public service, and has been known to help shovel snow off the roads in late summer.


• Winterhold is snowy for ten months of the year, and spends the remaining two full of slushy mud. Yes, the main roads have cobblestones, but the mud has a way of flowing down from the hills and sliding inexorably around the city. They say that the most important possession anyone in Winterhold owns is a sturdy pair of boots, and the second most important is their spare pair of boots.


• The soil around Winterhold can barely grow a scraggly snowberry bush or a tuft of brown grass, and it's mainly through sheer determination and fervent prayers to Kyne and Azura that the first there farmers managed to grow crops. The Clever-Men of old learned how to sing vigour into Winterhold's crops and pull the frost out of their foots, but for the most part, people ate fish and seaweed and caught scurvy.


• Hang on, I said 'excessively twee', didn't I? That one was not twee. I'm losing the plot. What this needs is a dash of my speciality, girl power and earnest silliness. For the honour of High Hrothgar!


• Eight years ago, Colette Marence worked out how brew potions of Resist Frost and Fortify Stamina Regeneration for plants. Watering cans turned into vessels of enchanted rain, and soon leeks, carrots, apple trees and even tomatoes were blooming in Winterhold's fields.


• Faralda has a lot of energy, which she pours into her work as the College of Winterhold's Destruction master. What she does in the game- standing guard outside the gate for hours at a time- does no justice to the "real" Faralda. She has been known to somersault backwards over a stray bear whilst pelting it with fireballs, punch a dragon in the snout with her knuckles wreathed in lightning, and even teach Winterhold's handful of rebellious teenagers how to dance.


• Enthir is friendly to everyone, and has worked out how to weave an irresistible sales pitch or a threatening demand for money into a polite greeting and a slap on the back. He is vulnerable, however, to being shaken roughly by the shoulders and told "GO AWAY, YOU CRETIN!".


• The College's students and faculty can be a wild, unpredictable bunch, yet Mirabelle Ervine has managed to keep the worst of their behaviour in check for years. How, you might ask? Does she whip wayward mages, send atronachs to drag them to prison, torture them with lightning or hold their loved ones to ransom? No, in fact she has a sad, almost tender way of saying she's disappointed in you that can be utterly heartbreaking. She also has fireballs.


• Tolfdir is a natural-born teacher; he wants to guide the next generation of wizards to greatness, and knows the basics of all the schools of magic. He also enjoys learning, and hopes to instill that passion in at least a few of the apprentices. Mirabelle was like that too, and she often misses teaching when the busy life of a deputy arch-mage is getting her down.


• Nirya and Faralda are constantly trying to one-up each other, whether in displays of ferocious magic power or tense pie-eating contests. They tried to race around the courtyard once, only to crash into each other and get concussed. They tried to climb up the statue of Azura once, only to be batted away with a rolled-up newspaper by Aranea Ienith. They tried to have a pillow fight once, only to end up having a nap together. They have successfully slain at least one Legendary Dragon.


• Phinis Gestor uses a zombie to carry his shopping, just to make people stare.

~The Undeath and Times of Serana the Vampire~

• Serana never tells anybody more about herself than she has to. Not even her parents know she’s scared of heights, but they do know she went through a phase of standing and staring out over the balcony for hours at a time. "I’M NOT FRIGHTENED OF YOU, CRAGS!" she’d scream. "YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME UP HERE! Bastards... Mocking me with your sharp, solid, terrifying down-there-ness! Do you hear me?! I'M NOT SCARED!"


• Serana likes to make sure she knows at least one weakness for everyone she meets. She’s learned that Lord Harkon doesn’t notice things if he isn’t actively looking for them, her mother is easily led into assumptions if she thinks she’s cleverly working them out, and Isran is too groggy to fight before he’s had his morning Potion of Fortify Stamina Regeneration.


• Serana takes medium care of her appearance. She tries to have a bath at least once a month, depending on where she is and what mods are running, and takes good care of her hair. She always wears perfume, and loves trying new perfumes bought or stolen from all across the province; the world of sweet fragrances that don’t smell like Dimhollow Crypt is simply irresistible. Harkon wanted her to wear make-up as well, so to this day she refuses to touch the stuff.


• As a child, Serana had a big, round, cuddly toy horker whom she named Mr Snuggly. Hugging him and squeezing him at night was one of her greatest pleasures. Sadly, in the present day, Mr Snuggly is nowhere to be found.


• Serana didn’t get to do much when she was growing up, which left her permanently restless and always wanting to use her hands. Hence she just has to try out every forge, tanning rack, workbench, sharpening wheel, cooking pot, arcane enchanter or alchemy table she comes across. Making mud pies is one of her newfound hobbies; the look of horror on Valerica’s face when she sees a mucky, smiling Serana at work on a pile of sculpted earth is something to be savoured.


• As a teenager, Serana trained constantly with magic, her dagger and her bare hands, getting through a few training dummies every year. When asked why, she could only answer that she wanted to be ready. For what? She couldn’t say.


• While she does like to annoy Valerica from time to time, Serana still loves her, and sometimes she brings presents back to Castle Volkihar: flowers, rare alchemy ingredients, spell tomes, and recently a saucy illustrated romance series written in High Rock. Valerica was shocked and appalled, and has read them all twice.


• Serana has no interest in romance and boudoir activities, but she finds the books amusing enough. Think of her as a vegetarian reading a book of meat pie recipes; she isn’t interested in eating them, but she can appreciate the culinary skills that go into a kalakukko, a tsar pirog or a delicious Bedfordshire clanger.


• "Teamwork, right there!" comes from an in-joke of which only Serana knows the history. I asked her about it, but she isn’t telling.


• Serana isn’t much of a social butterfly; she’s happy enough to sit quietly with a book, or an enchanting table, or her latest carpentry project, or a small mound of mud, or the sabre cat she’s dissecting. After being rescued from Dimhollow Crypt, however, she found she enjoys making new friends and putting all their weaknesses to memory. She also developed a great passion for music, discovering delightful new songs like Ragnar the Red or The Age of Aggression. When she’s drunk or having a bath, she might even sing them.


• Serana tries to maintain an air of dignity most of the time, but when she drops her guard she’ll reveal some strange habits. She sleeps hanging from the ceiling, talks to spiders, sucks the juice from tomatoes, takes things apart to see how they work, takes small animals apart to see how they work, and if you’re lucky she might tell you which blood groups are the tastiest. B Negative is her favourite.

~Excessively Twee Riften Headcanons~

• Despite his unassuming look, Aerin is a brilliant martial artist. He rescued Mjoll from Mzinchaleft by beating up a handful of Dwemer spheres, dropping a cauldron over their centurion's head and sneaking her out while the giant automaton was stumbling around like a blind, helpless, cauldron-wearing robot.


• Aerin hasn't told this secret to anybody, but he found something in Mzinchaleft: a small bronze amulet, once worn by a powerful tonal architect. Wearing the amulet and using the secret trigger phrase "Aetherium spark on! Suit up! Combat Striker Bronzenizer!" allows him to materialise a suit of enchanted Dwemer armour, seemingly from out of nowhere, which is much more convenient than just lugging the armour around.


• Despite siding with the Stormcloaks, Jarl Laila is firmly against Nord-supremacy. She challenged Ulfric publicly once over his refusal to let Argonians live in Windhelm. Ulfric immediately brushed her off and started talking to someone else, and Laila didn't get another chance to talk to him for months, but she felt good about having tried.


• On the surface of it, Maven doesn't seem to want her daughter Ingun to be an alchemist. Under the surface, Maven is carefully tailoring every word she says to keep Ingun timid enough to be controlled, yet independent enough to study alchemy and feel good about "getting away with it". Ultimately, Maven wants Ingun to awaken her talents and become the Black-Briar family's pet poisoner, and she'll always support Ingun's decision to do what she wants.


• Um, excessively twee? Was that excessively twee? No, we need something nice, something... Ah! Here we are. Valindor is teaching Marise Aravel how to climb trees, a skill she's found indispensible for escaping from angry ice wraiths who'd like to keep their teeth.


• Marise's family were the sorts of people who show their affection with food, and the importance of eating stuck with her all her life. She has been known to pester her friends, in particular Shadr, about eating a balanced diet; not just her beautifully preserved meat, fish, apples and vegetables, of course, you also need bread and cheese. And the occasional Juniper Berry Crostata.


• Bolli sometimes comes home from cheating on Nivenor with Haelga just when Nivenor is coming home from cheating on Bolli with Romlyn, Tythis, Niluvia, Hofgrir and/or Haelga. They don't say anything or even look each other in the eye, just share a bottle of mead and go to bed.


• Marise has either a buzz cut or an enormous coiled-up pair of twin-tails under her hat, and she isn't in any hurry to reveal it. Shadr might know, but he isn't telling.


• Sapphire buys a lot of poison from Ingun, and the two of them have sort of become friends. Sapphire is particularly interested in an invention Ingun has been working on: long-lasting venomous nail varnish.


• Wujeeta and From-Deepest-Fathoms are enjoying an on-and-off relationship. Fathoms is usually busy juggling her two part-time jobs, as a fisherwoman and a treasure hunter, but she appreciates the nights spent snuggling up with Wujeeta in the bunkhouse. Wujeeta looks up to Fathoms and wants to become a stronger person, or at least a person who isn't addicted to skooma, for her sake. Could they find peace and happiness together? We can hope so; it is Mara's city, after all...


• Speaking of Mara, her loyal priest Maramal is insufferable. When Grelka got a tummy ache from some cheap horker stew, he told her it was a punishment from Mara. When bandits attacked Shor's Stone, dug up the smelter and carried it to their hideout, he said it was a punishment from Mara. He once said, completely straight-faced, that Mara had ended the Oblivion Crisis by beating Mehrunes Dagon senseless with a rolling pin. Mara has apparently blocked him on tumblr.


• Laila once tried to hold a multi-faith event in Mistveil Keep. Maramal was quite agreeable to 'faith' part, but the 'multi' part he did not seem to grasp. "...And I'm sure all our guests will be delighted to hear the Word of Mara, that She is the one true Lady of Love, above all other gods, won't they? I'm so happy that those poor, deluded fools who believe in other, lesser, non-existent gods will finally be able to accept Lady Mara into their hearts! Mara, from whose radiant body all magic flows and whose heart gives Red Mountain its fire! Mara, Lady of Dawn and Dusk, of Life and Death, whose breath is Long Winter..."


• "Just one good punch in the mug! Just one!" screamed Azura, reaching down into Nirn while Mephala and Boethiah desperately held her back.


• Laila decided to hold a silent disco instead.