~The Scarlet Plus-Fours Fallout: New Vegas Picture Diary~

Starring Gracie Cutesman-Pieworthy

Fallout: New Vegas is one of the Fallout games, set in and around a city called New Vegas, which developed from Las Vegas after much of the surrounding America was destroyed in a nuclear war. It's a special game to a lot of Fallout fans, with characters and stories that feel human, different paths you can take through the main storyline, and a powerful, melancholy, yet beautiful atmosphere.

Since taking screenshots is such fun, I've started a new SSLP, which should eventually cover a whole game of Fallout: New Vegas and some of the expansion packs. I'm playing as a certified Charming Young Lady, complete with silver tongue, plasma weaponry, spiked knuckledusters and many bottles of Sunset Sarsaparilla. I hope you like it.

Chapter 8: Let's Get to Know the Legion and why Sensible Young Ladies should Wallop the Stuffing Out Of Them

A man with a disconcertingly big hat had come to New Vegas to offer Gracie a present. It was a Mark of Kai-Zah, the warlord from Mars, entitling her to visit the Legion's stronghold for one conversation with said warlord. Gracie thanked him politely and threw the Mark in the nearest bin.

"It could hardly be for anything nice, could it, if the Legion want to hire me?" explained Gracie. "Getting to see their 'stronghold' simply wouldn't be worth enabling them."

"Stronghold, stronghold..." Cass looked thoughtful. "Hey, isn't their stronghold on Fortification Hill, where Mr House wanted you to go and poke around for his long-forgotten superweapon?"

Gracie stared at her for all of five seconds before responding. "BOLLOCKS!" she screamed, running back to the bin.

Eventually, our heroines made it to the Legion port of Cottonwood Cove.

There isn't a wood here or indeed any cotton, but if nothing else, there's a cove.

The Legion's best and brightest were manning the port, which did not make for a good environment. Like most alt-right wankers, they were all too happy to explain their ideology while Gracie and Cass looked for the boat.

Cursor Lucullus, choosing his words quite badly considering who just walked into the camp.

Lucullus kept on explaining the Legion's plan for New Vegas while Cass and Gracie rowed the boat across the river Colorado. They were going to bring peace through ruthless violence and a strictly-enforced, natural-law-based hierarchy. Eschewing technology in favour of a traditional lifestyle, the Legion intended to annex the Hoover Dam to power the great city of New Vegas, which they would rename Nova Roma.

"What, after the perfume shop in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion?" said Gracie.

"Shut up," said Lucullus. "Novaroma is a general store, not a perfume shop, and what I said was 'Nova Roma'. Two words. As in, 'New Rome'."

Mercifully, Lucullus finished talking as they came to Fortification Hill. It was a busy military camp, where legionaires manned ancient artillery guns, small boys trained in combat for hours, and women were put to work according to their oh-so-objective lack of physical strength.

"Do you think Lucullus could carry that much?" --Gracie
"No way, but let's not gossip." --Rose of Sharon Cassidy

Anon, our heroines came to the peak of Fortification Hill, where the Legion's infamous warlord awaited them. (Well, awaited Gracie; Cass was just her plus-one.)

"I daresay I haven't, seeing as a condensed version of my adventures have been made available on a public website. But you..." Gracie looked a bit disappointed. "YOU'RE the warlord from Mars?"

"No, not from the... planet Mars. I am the son of Mars, God of War," Caesar said patiently. "More importantly than that, I am Caesar, the leader of former disparate tribes who wage war as a unified Legion."

"Good for you. Now, er, why do you want to conquer New Vegas?" asked Gracie.

"The better question would be, why should New Vegas not throw open her doors and raise a Legion flag on all its glimmering spires? It is a weak, effeminate city, a shrine to the glamour and excess of the Old World, ruled by a coward who hides his face behind a screen. No, my Legion will bring peace, prosperity and strength, not just to New Vegas, but to all the Mojave! It will be a land without shiftless raiders, squabbling politicians, or the hopeless pitfalls of democracy," explained Caesar. "An empire which might actually last in this world."

Cass nodded slowly. "I suppose, if there was one thing I had to admit, completely in a vacuum, you lot do a great job keeping down the raiders in your territory."

"But Rose of Sharon, dear, don't the Legion accomplish that by murdering and crucifying everybody who looks at them funny, including whole towns which just happened to be in the way?" Gracie pointed out. "All they've really accomplished is consolidating multiple small raider gangs into one giant one, with no competition!"

"Oh, is my life's work not enough for you?! Maybe you'd be happier if I had my men dress up as pre-war dandies and gamblers, putting on a show of former glory from an age long-dead!" snapped Caesar. "Now, speaking of Mr House, I'd like to hire you to make a small delivery."

Gracie's eyes narrowed. "If you want me to deliver him a bomb--"

"Oh, my lord! No, you idiot! I want you to take that Platinum Chip down to the old bunker at the bottom of the hill, use it to get inside, and destroy whatever secret weapon Mr House has got stashed away in there," growled Caesar. "If you can accomplish that without tripping over your own feet or dying of laughter at your own inane jokes, I'll have more work for you afterwards."

"Destroy Mr House's secret weapon, you say?" Gracie was scowling, but there was a thoughtful look in her eyes. "Yes... I do believe Cass and I can manage that. Wait here."

"Tread quietly, now..." --Rose of Sharon Cassidy

Gracie stole everything not nailed down in the camp.

"We have GOT to start admitting women as soldiers." --An awe-struck Legionaire

Then she beat up two dogs in return for a young slave's teddy.

"Gosh, Mr House! Fancy meeting you down here!" --Gracie

Then she made her way to the bunker, where it turned out Mr House had beaten her to the punch.

"I must confess, I am surprised! I didn't know you had a screen all the way out here, much less a good enough internet connection," said Gracie. "Now, I am afraid there's an awkward situation with your secret weapon..."

"Yes, I can imagine Caesar might have a different plan for it," said Mr House. "But you aren't about to give him what he wants, are you? If it's escape you're worried about, the secret weapon should be more than enough to cover your retreat."

"He's got a point," said Cass. "I hope the secret weapon's big enough for two!"

The secret weapon turned out to be big enough for two thousand. For a few seconds, neither Gracie nor Cass could do anything but stare, as the army of Securitrons rolled off their production lines.

"These Securitrons..." said Cass. "I guess we're not getting them out quietly. We'll just have to do as much damage as we can on our way to the boats."

At the entrance to the bunker, Gracie drank a syringe of Med-X and kicked down the door, only to find herself and Cass faced with a round of applause. The Legionaires were delighted. They said Caesar was waiting with Gracie's pay.

No comment.

"I felt the ground shaking underneath the hill from up here. Am I to presume you've destroyed Mr House's secret weapon?" asked Caesar.

"Oh... yes, of course! We did indeed destroy it, did we not, Rose of Sharon Cassidy?" Gracie said carefully.

Cass gave her a look. "Yeah, of course we did. I was there. I helped set up the dynamite!"

"Indeed!" said Gracie, nodding vigorously. "The dynamite, which ensured Mr House's secret weapon became very, very and much, much, destroyed! Because that is indeed what we were doing down there, and not anything else. Ow!"

"We'd better get going," said Cass, trying to look like she hadn't just kicked Gracie in the shin. "I've got a pie in the oven, you know how it is. Come on, Gracie! 'Bye, Caesar, see you later! Okay, walk quite fast, Gracie, and stop giggling..."