~A Right Royal Thane in the Neck~

Summary

Lydia swore to do anything for her thane. Fighting dragons, lugging dragon components back home, spending weeks on end tramping through the wilderness, very rarely complaining; you name it, she'll do it. But none of the thanes ever swore to treat her right.

Will Lydia survive her time with a man who has no appreciation for her or her talents? Yes. Of course she will. Read on to have a laugh at what she gets up to while losing her mind from boredom.

When the steward gave her the news, Lydia could not have believed her ears. After years of fighting the same old bandits, killing the same old wolves and wearing the same old suit of armour until it felt like a second skin, she was desperate to try something new. Serving the Dragonborn- the ACTUAL, HONEST-TO-TALOS DRAGONBORN!- seemed like a dream come true.

There was just time for Lydia to have a bath while the jarl's council was in session. She was giddy with excitement (and still a bit soggy) as she climbed the stairs to the great hall. Proventus was coming towards her with a heavy-set man in tow, clanking heavily in his armour.

"...And as we discussed, here is your new housecarl," declared Proventus. He pointed at Lydia with a flourish. "She is a mighty warrior with the courage of a wolf and the strength of a horker. I am sure you will find her handy to have around."

"An honour to meet you, my thane!" Lydia kept her voice steady, although there was no disguising the sparkle in her eyes. "I am Lydia Burdensworn, daughter of Erica the Sharp. I can tell you what a housecarl is if you-"

"No, that's fine, thank you. We have housecarls in High Rock," the thane of Whiterun smiled. He was bearded and about the right shape for a Dragonborn. "Good to have you with me. Anyway, I'm needed at the watchtower, so could you take this war-hammer off my hands?" He unhooked a long bludgeon from his back and handed it over.

"O Thane, you honour me with this mighty gift!" Lydia gasped as she took the weighty hammer. The Nordic steel felt cold and smooth in her grasp. "With this weapon, I shall flatten the skulls of all who stand against you-"

"Good, good. Keep it safe, won't you? I want to enchant it." The Dragonborn stepped past Lydia towards the door. "Come, Jenassa! Destiny is at hand!"

"Je- Jenassa...? The thing is, Thane, my name is Lydia-"

"Coming." A violent-looking Dunmer stepped out from a side room and chased after the Dragonborn.

"Um," said Lydia.

"I'll leave you to it." Proventus gave Lydia a friendly nod and wandered away to do something with quill pens and candles and stuff.

Lydia stood among the pillars watched him leave. She suddenly felt very much alone.

That afternoon, Lydia managed to wrestle an elk to the ground and slit its throat. She lugged it up the stairs to Dragonsreach, skinned it and helped the cook stuff it into the cold cellar, between the leg of pork and the massive salmon behind the rack of mammoth snouts.

"Do you not have a thane you should be babysitting?"

Lydia started. Irileth was observing her wryly from the kitchen door.

"Babysitting? Well, you see, my master has only tasked me with looking after his hammer for now. I have no other duties, so I thought I'd..." Lydia made a vague gesture towards the elk. "I might as well make myself useful."

Irileth nodded. "I understand. You must be available for our new thane at any moment, though, or else he might complain and cause a terrible scandal. Try not to wander too far."

"I am his housecarl, Irileth. I would never abandon..." Lydia frowned. What was the thane's name? "I would never betray the Dragonborn!"

Irileth rolled her eyes. "Dragonborn, schmagonborn! He is just another sword-wielding thug as far as I can tell. He helps us, certainly, but we do not know where his allegiances lie."

"Do we not?" A faint sense of danger rose in Lydia's heart. What if he was a Stormcloak? "Do you have any suspicions?"

"No." Irileth glanced out of the window. The sun was low. "I should leave for the watchtower. Hopefully our friend will not keep me waiting."

"You're needed at-?! He set out hours ago!" cried Lydia.

"Yes, and there were two mammoth dens, an ancient barrow and a standing stone between him and the tower." Irileth scoffed. "Can we really expect the fearless Steve of High Rock and that wastrel girl to ignore them?"

"They probably could..." A thought occurred to Lydia. "'Wastrel girl'? Do you mean the one he called Jenassa? Wait, my thane's name is Steve?! I-Irileth, hold on!"

Lydia's questions would go unanswered that day, for Irileth was already striding back upstairs.

The following morning, Lydia rose as the first golden rays of dawn draped themselves over her eyes. She'd slept well as she always did after a good hunt, but her throat was a bit dry. She pushed off her blanket, yawned loudly, fumbled for a bottle of mead and noticed the long-haired Breton rifling through her dresser.

"Wh-what are you DOING?!" Lydia leapt to her feet. She reached for her sword, but of course it was lying in its sheath at the foot of the bed, so she grabbed a candlestick instead. "Get out of my things, thief! I will not ask you again!"

"Where's the hammer?"

"Ha... Hammer? If you mean the one I was given-"

"Yes, that one. The war-hammer I gave you yesterday," the strange man smiled patiently. Lydia's jaw dropped. The weirdo ransacking her bedroom was none other than Steve, Thane of Whiterun, scarcely recognisable without his battered helmet.

"Well?" said Steve patiently. "Where did you hide it?"

"I... Um... Under the bed." Lydia bent down and slid the hammer out between the bedposts. "I apologise for the dust, my thane."

"No, it's fine! Good work, Lydia." Steve picked up the war-hammer and hung it over his back. "I found some strong enchantments in the mammoth den. A lightning-spitting hammer should suit Jenny just fine."

"It's for her?"

"Of course! I need her in fine fettle to raid that bear cave up near Helgen, but..." Steve turned suddenly serious. "Never tell her I called her Jenny. Ever."

Lydia didn't notice his stern warning. Her face lit up with excitement. "You need to fight bears? My thane, I know more about bears than any other warrior in Whiterun! If you bring me, I shall carve a path through however many bears it takes-"

"Oh, incidentally, I bought a house!" declared Steve.

Lydia fell into a stunned silence.

"Avenicci called it the Breezehome, I believe. I made sure to get you a key." Steve pressed a small metal key into Lydia's gobsmacked palm. "The loft bedroom is yours, unless you'd prefer to sleep on the dining table. Or the room behind the stairs, but I was thinking of turning that into an alchemy lab. Anyway, look for the house right next to Warmaiden's and make yourself at home."

"I..." Lydia cleared her throat. "Truly, you are too generous. I would be honoured to share your house. About this cave you're taking me to, I assume I should bring my fur boots-"

"Oh, no, don't trouble yourself! Jenny and I can handle the cave," Steve reassured her. "You just sit tight at home. Make sure you eat that rabbit haunch before it spoils, too."

Lydia's heart sank like a stone. "As you command, my thane. I will devour your rabbit haunch or... die in the attempt."

After what could have been her last breakfast in Dragonsreach, Lydia packed up her things: one wooden bed that creaked when she rolled over in the night, one soft pillow, two thickly-woven blankets with plenty of patches, one pair of fur-lined boots, two pairs of woolen socks, one pair of brown sackcloth breeches, one white linen vest stained greyish-brown from years' worth of sweat, some spare unmentionables, her lucky autobiography of Stendarr, a dozen rusty arrows, one apple, one sweet roll wrapped in cloth, and forty-six gold pieces. She dragged the whole lot out of the castle. The bed made a surprisingly good sledge to carry them.

She attracted more than a few funny looks as she struggled down the stairs, but Lydia wasn't about to let peer pressure ruin her day. She dragged her laden bed to the Breezehome with her head held high. The key was a perfect fit but the door creaked in protest as she forced it open. Lydia deposited most of her things on a sturdy wooden table, lugged the bed upstairs to the loft and stopped outside a door with "Lydia's Room" engraved in bold, stylish letters.

The room was small and airy. A wooden bed already sat pretty in front of the window, so Lydia took it apart and replaced it with her own. She stowed her arrows and holy book in the cupboard, left the apple in a small wooden bowl and dumped the bed she'd rejected in the back garden. She laid her clothes out on top of the dresser. Folding them could wait.

Having a room of her own would be nice, even if it was miniscule, but Lydia was at a loss for what to do. She had a rabbit's hind leg to take care of, but what then? Her thane didn't seem to need her.

Thus, Lydia went fishing and picked some flowers. She retrieved a perch, a couple of salmon and dozens of brightly-coloured mountain flowers, which she arranged in a vase on her bedside table. She stashed the fish in the kitchen, helped herself to a hunk of bread, sat down at the top of the stairs and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

It rained heavily during the night. Lydia spent a fairly frustrating hour patching up some holes in the roof the builders had missed, gave the floor a quick mop, left her clothes by the fire to dry and enjoyed an adequate night's sleep.

She awoke to the sound of heavy armour rattling beside her. A dark elf with a dangerous look in her eye was putting on yellow lipstick. Lydia realised with a start that it was Steve's hired sword, not to be called Jenny at any time.

"Um," said Lydia, sitting up, "good morning?"

"Hm?" Jenassa noticed Lydia. "Oh, good morning. You're Steve's housecarl, correct?"

"Yes." Lydia cleared her throat. "Did- did you arrive last night?"

"No, just... now..." Jenassa yawned loudly and rubbed her eyes. "We killed the bears, by the skin of our teeth. I can't say I enjoy skulking around in caves all night, but he did pay me..."

"I would slay a dozen bears for my honour alone," Lydia pointed out.

"Oh, would you?" Jenassa's voice dripped with withering scorn. "I imagine you would buy a bed for the night with your honour, too. Some mead, perhaps, and repairs for your sword. Or would you save up your honour until you could buy a house?"

"All right, Jenassa, I meant nothing by it."

"I'm sure." Jenassa sniffed and began touching up the yellow lines on her cheeks. "I don't suppose you have any of those beans the Khajiit use to make themselves not be tired?"

Lydia shook her head. "Sorry."

There was a sudden flurry of footsteps thumping up the stairs. A little girl in a green dress flung open the door, jumped on Lydia and hugged her tightly.

"Whaaa...?" said Lydia.

"I made you breakfast, Auntie Lydia!" the girl declared, her voice a cheerful squeak. "It's my world-famous bread and butter with salmon on top! Daddy says it's the best he ever tasted!"

"Do... Does he?" Lydia's head was swimming. "Um, Miss, you have the wrong Lydia! I, um... I don't have a niece?"

The girl's footsteps were already clattering back down to the dining room. Lydia gave Jenassa a beseeching look.

"You'd better have your salmon before it gets cold," said Jenassa wearily.

"Okay." Numbly, Lydia rose from her bed and headed downstairs. The little girl was scowling with concentration as she washed a wooden plate. Her lord and master was waiting at the head of the table, polishing off a bottle of mead in his mismatched armour.

"Hm?" Steve looked up as Lydia drew close. "Ah, good morning! How do you like our new home?"

"It's lovely." Lydia sat down at what she assumed was her place. A couple of slices of bread with fresh orangish-pink salmon draped on top awaited her. "Well, this looks tasty! Thank you, um...?"

"Lucia!" the girl introduced herself.

"Thank you, Lucia," Lydia smiled. Even if it did come as a surprise, being fed by such a charming girl could warm anybody's heart. "Anyway, I'm sure you have things to be doing. Feel free to visit us whenever you want."

Lucia practically deflated, her eyes moistening with tears. "Visit? B-but I live here! This is my home, right?"

"Ah... I should've mentioned that, shouldn't I?" Steve bit his lip. "You see, Lydia, I adopted a child."

Lydia choked on her salmon-topped bread. "Wh-WHAT?!"

"I found her in the market. Poor little thing. Her parents had passed away and she didn't have anywhere to go. I know it's not ideal, but we have a warm hearth, food enough to keep her on her feet..." Steve smiled warmly. "And I'm sure she won't mind having a warrior for a governess."

"I won't be any trouble," said Lucia meekly.

A sudden fear gripped Lydia's heart. "Governess, my thane? I... Do you mean to say your friend Jenassa knows how to rear a child?"

"No, I couldn't waste her talents like that. Don't worry, Lydia! You'll do just fine!" Steve gave her a pat on the back. "You can teach Lucia to wield a sword if she's up for it. A girl needs to watch out for herself sometimes, you know?"

"M-my thane, I..." Lydia cast her eyes downwards. "Of course. I will be honoured to take care of your daughter. But, um, maybe you could still take me with you-"

"Anyway, I must make for High Hrothgar," declared Steve. "The Greybeards have summoned me to answer their call, and for all of Tamriel's sake I must heed them! Lucia's bedtime is nine o'clock, by the way."

Without waiting for Lydia to speak, Steve leapt from his chair and shouted upstairs. "Jenassa, are you ready?!"

"Coming!" came the reply. Jenassa glided swiftly down the banister, almost scraping the wall with her right leg. "Lydia, could you buy more yellow face-paint if you have the time? We seem to be running low. Oh, and you need to wash my night-dress."

"W... Wash your...?"

"In warm water," added Jenassa. She gave Lucia a fairly businesslike pat on the head, which cheered her up considerably, and followed Steve out into the world.

"Bye, Daddy! Bye, Auntie Jenassa!" shouted Lucia. "Did you like your breakfast, Auntie Lydia? I could use less butter next time. Or maybe cheese! That'd be yummy!"

Lydia just sat there, feeling emptier than she had ever felt before. What was going to become of her?

"Honour to you, my thane!"

"Oh, thank you! And honour to you as well," said Steve, wiping his feet on the door sill as he stepped inside. He pulled a yellowing troll skull from his pocket. "Do you think this would look good over the mantelpiece?"

Lydia stared at the skull for a few moments. Although she'd seen a handful of trolls during her career, the three round eye sockets towards the top of the skull still came as a surprise.

"It would look... Very imposing, my thane," Lydia decided. "Um, is there anything you would have me do now? Anything not especially boring?" she added hopefully.

Steve ignored her while he carefully positioned the skull between a candle and a rolled-up sheet of paper. The candle dropped with a dull thump. Steve swore and bent down to retrieve it.

"I trust you washed my night-dress," said Jenassa, stepping silently through the front door.

"Your...? Oh, yes. I did. In warm water," sighed Lydia. "I could not find any yellow make-up, but I bought you some moisturising cream from Arcadia's Cauldron. I could have hiked to Morrowind to buy some, but..."

Jenassa's heart softened when she saw the look in Lydia's eye. "Well, the cream will be fine. Thank you for trying."

"Daddy! Daddy, you're home!"

Whatever Lydia was going to say next was lost when Lucia ran into the room. Steve picked her up and hugged her, making her laugh out loud.

"Wow, Lydia's really been feeding you!" cried Steve, groaning under the weight. He lowered her to the floor. "You look strong, Lucia. Has she been teaching you any swordplay?"

"Yes! Auntie Lydia taught me how to hold a sword without my arm aching! She says she'll show me how to hold a shield next week!" squeaked Lucia.

Steve laughed. "Got to level those skills up somehow, I suppose! Say, Lydia, do you know your letters?"

Lydia blinked. "My... letters? If you talk of reading, I can hold my own." Lydia had been one of the few warriors to make frequent use of the library, back when she lived in Dragonsreach.

"Good! I need you to teach her that as well," declared Steve.

Lucia ran out through the back door with a look of terror in her eyes.

"Teach Lucia? To read?" said Lydia, with a similar look in hers. "Oh, thane, surely there is something else I could do for you! Something I am actually good at? Like fighting?"

"Come now, Lucia must learn how to read! I can't stand wasting anyone's potential!" Steve insisted. "Instructing her is your most important assignment. Make sure she knows the shape of every letter, and how they work together to make different sounds and stuff."

"B... But..."

Steve tapped Jenassa on the shoulder. "Are you ready?"

"To be honest, I could use some rest-"

"You'll be fine!" barked Steve. He took her hand and made for the front door. "Oh, Lydia? Don't worry about hunting today. I've left some horker meat in the pantry."

"I look forward to eating it. Good luck on your travels..." Lydia sighed heavily. She watched longingly as Steve and Jenassa set out once again.

"Honour to you, my thane!"

"To me?" Steve raised his eyebrows. "But what about Jenny- I mean, Jenassa?" he laughed nervously. "I will be upstairs if you need me!" He pushed past Lydia and all but sprinted to the loft.

Jenassa glowered at her employer's fast-retreating back. "I do not care much for your childish nicknames, Steve... Oh, that's new." She glanced at the dirty apron Lydia was wearing. "Are you enjoying your new life?"

"N-new life?! I am NOT-! This is-! I get uncomfortable wearing my armour all day!" hissed Lydia. She was surprised by how angry she felt, especially since Jenassa hadn't been the one to force her into a life of drudgery.

"That's nothing new." Jenassa yawned loudly. "Steve and I have been on our feet for two days. I think I'll have some supper and turn in... Is that a wheel of elder cheese I see?"

"We have a loaf to get through. Try toasting it," said Lydia, purely on reflex. She'd learned how to prioritise food after Lucia found a mammoth trunk rotting under the table. The poor girl hadn't been able to concentrate on her lessons for days, not that Lydia had pressed the issue. Somehow, when she saw that longing look of boredom in Lucia's eye, she couldn't bear to keep her indoors.

"A loaf... Of bread, I assume? As you wish." Jenassa was too tired to argue. She wandered past and searched for the bread.

"In the drawer," sighed Lydia. "Between the onions and the salt cellar-! For pity's sake, the loaf is right there!" she snapped, yanking open a wooden drawer and pointing angrily. "If you did any actual work around here, you might have seen it!"

"Oh, that's rich. Lydia, I shot a dragon in the eye last night," said Jenassa heavily, taking a bite of bread. "It waff a fery difficulf tarfgft- OW!"

"Stop it! You're leaving crumbs all over the place!" shouted Lydia. She grabbed Jenassa by the shoulders and shunted her towards the table. "You cannot possibly understand how much work it takes to keep a house in order! I have to sweep the floor, dust the shelves, keep the fire lit, wash the dishes, wipe down the windows, wash the bedding-!"

Jenassa elbowed Lydia in the solar plexus. Lydia cried out in agony and clutched at her chest.

"What is wrong with you?!" demanded Jenassa. "I leave crumbs wherever I please! If you doubt me, I will gladly knock some more sense into you."

Lydia's head was spinning. A deep, yawning cavern was opening up underneath her anger, leaving nothing but darkness in her heart. Why did she care about crumbs all of a sudden? Why did finishing the bread even matter to her?

"Wydia? Miff Houfecarm? Are you awright?" Jenassa swallowed and waved in front of Lydia's face. "Did I elbow you that hard? I am sorry, but you took me by surprise."

A tear fell from Lydia's eye. Then one fell from the other. "Jenassa, this is not who I am," she whispered. "I am not a maid! Why am I a maid?!" she sobbed. "You have to help me, Jenassa! I can take no more!"

"Um..." Jenassa toyed nervously with the half-eaten loaf of bread. "I... I am going to bed now. We can talk tomorrow..."

"Don't leave me!" wailed Lydia, but Jenassa slipped easily out of her grasp and ran upstairs.

Steve came stomping down a few moments later. "Lydia, do you know where I could find quicksilver ore? I want to try my hand at blacksmithing."

"Quicksilver...?" said Lydia faintly. She sniffed, wiped her eyes and gave the matter some thought. "There was a... a mine just north of the city, wasn't there? Yes, just a few minute's walk away. My father worked there. I-I can show you if you wish! Let me get my sword and my cloak and-"

"Jenassa, we're going!" bellowed Steve.

"Um, good idea! The three of us will be able to... carry plenty of ore..." Lydia knew in her heart it would not be the three of them. "Have fun, my thane. I'll just be here. Accomplishing nothing."

Jenassa yawned loudly as she stumbled downstairs. "Don't shout at me... I'm coming." She staggered after Steve and shut the front door.

"Honour to you, my th-"

"Yes, yes, lovely to see you. Find somewhere to put this, would you?" Steve thrust a wooden staff into Lydia's hands.

Lydia stared at the staff in amazement. One end was carved into a screaming face with its mouth open indescribably wide. "The... The weapon rack?"

No reply came from Steve, who was busy stuffing fifty apples, a dozen cabbages, a horker steak and several jugs of milk into the kitchen cabinet.

"Weapon rack it is, then," sighed Lydia.

It had been two months since Lydia moved into the Breezehome and as many weeks since Steve had last shown up. Keeping house and looking after Lucia felt normal now, and Lydia was beginning to lose all hope of freedom. She rested the screaming staff on the metal holder beside the front door just in time for Jenassa to walk right into her.

Lydia yelped. "Watch yourself!"

"I'm so tired..." Jenassa flopped onto Lydia and clung to her apron. "We've been exploring for days! I simply must take a nap."

"Um, well, not on me!" Lydia pushed the limp Jenassa away.

"Nooo... You're warm and cozy..." moaned Jenassa, nuzzling Lydia's stomach.

"C-come on, you're a grown woman! Get off!" wailed Lydia. Jenassa got the message after a few good shoves and opted to slide under the table instead.

Lydia breathed a sigh of relief. She looked at Jenassa, then at Steve. She took a step closer and tapped him on the shoulder. "My thane, I am worried for Jenassa. She is, as you can see..."

"Hm?" Steve glanced at the table and jumped at the sight of Jenassa, snoring between the rough wooden legs. "Well, that's never happened before. Do you think she'll be there long?"

"I should think she'll be there until the new moon," said Lydia.

"Typical." Steve exhaled angrily. "I'm going to need a hired bow to clear out the Falmer wastrels deep inside the lost Dwemer citadel of Mzincaleft... Don't suppose you know anyone?"

"A- a hired bow?!" gasped Lydia "Y-you don't need to hire anyone! I can arch! Steve- I mean Thane, I'll gladly shoot as many Falmer as you need out in the fresh air without having to do any stupid cleaning or shopping or-"

"I know!" cried Steve. "Aela the Huntress! She's the best archer in Whiterun!"

Lydia's face fell. "Aela? You're going to hire Aela? Instead of your loyal housecarl, whom you don't even have to pay? Aela, who can spend as much time outside as she wishes? Aela, who answers to nobody? Her?"

"Well, you're more suited to close-quarters," said Steve evenly. "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you! I found this in a pirate's hoard."

"A gift for me...?" Lydia watched in trepidation as Steve rummaged in his pockets. Did she dare hope for something interesting?

"Of course," smiled Steve. He pulled out the present with a flourish. "Here we are! Your very own ancient Nord feather duster!"

Lydia's heart sank like a lead-plated coffin full of gold coins. She couldn't bear to smile as she accepted the ragged old feather duster. "Thank you, Thane. I... I would be honoured to clean your house with..."

Lydia snapped completely. "Oh, PLEASE let me go on an adventure with you!" she screamed, bursting into tears. "Please! For pity's sake! I can't live like this! I'm not a maid. I'm not a cook. No offence to Lucia, but I'm not a bloody childminder! I was born to fight! With blood on my face and a sword in my hand, that's when I truly feel alive, and right now...!"

Lydia grabbed Steve by the shoulders and screamed into his face. "I'm dead, Steve! DEAD! Why do I go on like this, pretending to be alive when my heart has turned cold and hard like a draugr's arse?! There's no reason for me to exist! Why won't you let me live, Steve?! Why must I die for you every day, over and over and over again?! Do you yearn so much for a clean house, a friendly face to come home to?! Is that worth more than-?!"

Wide-eyed with terror, Steve shrank back from Lydia's tirade. "L-Lydia, please! Calm down! W-would you feel better if I hired that Uthgerd lady from the tavern? Or I could wait for Jenassa-"

"Aaaaaargh!" Lydia hurled Steve through the wall, leaving a ragged Dragonborn-shaped hole that let a nice breeze into the room. "You selfish pig! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" She sobbed loudly. "I hate you... I want to live, for Talos's sake! I'm going to live! I... I'm going to..."

Lydia fell to her knees and cried. All her rage and her sadness poured out in a river of emotion, staining her cheeks with salt. She pounded on the floor, bloodying her knuckles, but she was numb to the pain.

"Um... Auntie Lydia? Are you all right?"

Lydia started. She cast her gaze around until she spotted Lucia, peeking timidly from behind the stairs.

"Do you want one of those weird drinks I'm not allowed to have? You look like you need one..." said Lydia. "Or I could make you some of my special pie!"

"No, I..." Lydia wiped her eyes and stood up. "I've been talking to your father, and, um... We said some things."

"Did you have a fight?"

"Well..." Lydia followed Lucia's gaze to the splintered hole in the wall and tried not to look guilty. "Let's say I helped him find a new perspective on life."

"Oh," said Lucia, who had no idea what she was talking about. "Is he all right?"

"Let's not dwell on that." Lydia tore off her apron and threw it on the table. "I imagine it's rough for you, playing outside with your friends most of the day?"

Lucia tilted her head. "Rough? No, never! Braith beats me up more than I'd like, but it's fun! I mean, it keeps me out of the house... And things..."

"I KNOW it keeps you out of the house," said Lydia fiercely. She pulled her sword from the weapon rack and strapped it to her belt. "I tell you what, Lucia: I've had enough of the house! It bores the- um, it bores the bottom off me!"

"What?!" cried Lucia, reddening. "Um, Aunt Lydia, are you feeling all right?"

"Oh, Lucia, I feel better than all right!" Lydia picked Lucia up and squeezed her tightly. "I feel as free as a dragon! Let's go fishing!"

Lucia gasped for breath. "B-but Daddy said-"

"That oaf is gonna say 'thank you for the fresh fish' and like it! Come on, get your scarf and your boots on! We're going to have some fun!"