The Legend of Hoshiro

Sent from the heavens, wielding rainbows and lightning in the name of peace and justice, Hoshiro Nijinazuma is Gensokyo's greatest warrior. Her decision-making skills, however, leave a lot to be desired.

Joined by like-minded friends, laughed at or reluctantly put up with by heroines from throughout the series, Hoshiro will fight her way through Touhou history and get every Incident completely wrong. What hilarious mishaps await her? Will she find love? The answers ("lots of them" and "maybe") lie within...

~Chapter 5: Sixty Years Ago, This Shall Be Once Again~

"Let's see. Stock, soy sauce, salt, more stock, ginger, spring onions, I have sugar and noodles..." Hoshiro read through her crumpled shopping list, leaning on a pumpkin display outside the greengrocer's shop. "That leaves beef. To the butcher!"

Hoshiro spun around and went romping down the road, swinging her basket without a care. Warm sunlight poured down on the village, but she felt a cool breeze in her fingerless gloves and red vest. She ignored the looks she got from passers-by and squeezed through an alley onto Dishonourable Ocelot Boulevard.

Keine was standing in the shade outside Yusuke and Mariko's delicatessen, chatting amiably with a dark-haired woman in a plastic Ultraman mask. Hoshiro shouted a greeting and ran over to them.

Keine jumped looked around in alarm, only to relax when she saw who it was. "Oh, it's just you. I thought you were that shinigami again!"

Hoshiro blinked. "Shinigami? No, I'm me! The forever champion! We've met before, Keine."

The masked woman looked on in bemusement, her face hidden behind yellow plastic eyes. Keine sighed. "Are you out shopping?"

"Yes! I'm having beef udon for dinner," Hoshiro said brightly.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've never been able to go shopping before," the masked woman said in awed tones. "Of course, I'll soon be able to try- Ow."

"Golly, where are my manners? I still haven't introduced you!" Keine said loudly, withdrawing her elbow from the stranger's side. "Hoshiro, this is Ultrawoman Suki from the Land of Light. Suki, this is Hoshiro Nijinazu-"

"Hoshiro?! No way!" The strange woman ran forwards and hugged Hoshiro, pressing her mask into her cheek. "It's me, Kaguya!"

Hoshiro gasped. "For real?! I can't believe it!" She threw her arms around Kaguya and squeezed her, weeping with joy. "I'm so relieved! I thought you'd gone when the moon disappeared!"

"No, no, Eirin and I did that to hide from the government! We've been on Earth for years," Kaguya said brightly, stuffing her mask inside her kimono.

Keine groaned loudly. "Aaaugh, for the love of frills! Why even bother going incognito when you're just going to cognito yourself to a complete stranger?! Hoshiro, listen to me, Kaguya's presence on Earth has to remain a secret! Do you understand that?!"

"Whaaaa...?" Hoshiro blinked. "Kaguya isn't a stranger, Keine! She's my pen pal!"

Keine fainted.

They carried Keine home, sat her beneath her kotatsu and got her a bottle of apple juice, which she rejected in favour of strong wine. Kaguya and Hoshiro drank the apple juice and had a catch-up outside, enjoying the colour and sweet smells in Keine's flower patch.

"I've mostly been in hiding, doing odd jobs around the hospital because of that stuff with the Hourai Elixir, but it seems safe now for me to go out. Thus, here I am!" Kaguya explained, perched on the garden wall. "I'm going to the Road of Liminality to see the flowers! You know, from the Flower Incident?"

"The what? An Incident?!"

"Oh, I thought you'd have heard about it, since you're the Eternal Champion and everything."

"Well, I haven't," said Hoshiro sheepishly. "What are the flowers doing, Kaguya?! Are they eating people? Tearing up houses? Making poisonous spores? Awakening the dead?!"

"No, there are vast numbers of them growing out of season."

"Out of season...?" Hoshiro's brow furrowed. She cast her eyes over Keine's raised beds. "Heleniums, bluebells, daffodils, tulips, crocuses, daisies... Only the Flower Master of Four Seasons can make them grow in Spring! What could she want?!"

"Pretty flowers everywhere?"

"Of course... But does she know the risks?! All living things rely on nature, a vast interconnected web that runs throughout the world. To tip that balance could be devastating!" Hoshiro leapt to her feet. "Kaguya! For the ecosystem's sake, I ask you to fight with me! I'll leave my shopping with Keine! Together we can end the botanical nightmare!"

"You're taking this rather more seriously than I expected," said Kaguya. "But all right, let's do it!"

"Yay!" squealed Hoshiro, wrapping Kaguya in another hug. Then she turned serious. "Now, this is important. You're a princess. Will you be the Peach to my Daisy or the Gwenevere to my Fallon?"

"I think I'll just be the Kaguya to your Hoshiro, if that's all right."

Kaguya walked for half an hour with the Hoshiro to her Kaguya, down winding paths and across fields of flowers. She stopped to pick the flowers and weave them as they went.

"Er, what are you doing? We need to hurry!" Hoshiro complained.

"Hold still," said Kaguya, crowning her with a daisy chain.

Hoshiro went red. "I-it's nice, but there's an Incident!"

"Don't be silly! What's the point of resolving Incidents if we can't have fun?" giggled Kaguya. "It's never that serious, is it?"

Hoshiro gasped. "Wait! I hear something!"

"You... do?" Kaguya strained her ears until she caught it, the faint sound of laughter and merriment on the breeze. "Oh! It sounds like some people are having a- Waaagh!"

Half leading and half dragging Kaguya by the arm, Hoshiro ran through the fields until they reached the source of the sound.

"D'you want some cake, Rumia?"

"No thank you. You didn't pack any human flesh, by any chance?"

Cirno shook her head. "Just the roast chicken, which a certain someone already ate..."

"In that case, I will have some cake." Rumia shuffled across the picnic rug towards her. "Cut me a slice, please~!"

Cirno took out a knife as large as her forearm and cut a small slice of Victoria sponge. Rumia grabbed the rest of the cake and wolfed it down, scattering crumbs down her dress.

Cirno's jaw hung open. "But... That was the slice..." she whimpered, pointing to the single solitary slim slice of sponge still sitting on the ceramic serving s... plate. "I don't understand how you could do this to me!"

Rumia giggled, then a rustle in the grass caught her ear. "Someone's coming! Oh, look, Cirno, it's your sidekick!"

Hoshiro screeched to a halt on the edge of the grassy hollow. Her face lit up beneath the daisy chain, which had slid down to her nose. "Cirno! What are you doing here?!"

"Having a picnic, or at least trying to," said Cirno. She watched Kaguya sigh with relief and flop down among the flowers. "Is it nap time?"

"Just a rest-stop," murmured Kaguya.

"No, there's an Incident! Flowers blooming everywhere, disrupting nature's balance at the Flower Master's command! We need all hands on deck!" Without waiting for a response, Hoshiro slung Cirno under her arm. "Come on, Kaguya! To the Garden of the Sun!"

"Augh, slow down! I need to catch my breath!" wailed Kaguya, taking off after her.

Rumia watched them leave. She shrugged her shoulders and helped herself to the last slice of cake, smiling blissfully as it slid down her throat. She was glad Cirno hadn't been greedy.

A cool breeze blew over the woods, rustling the three heroines' hair as they soared northwest. The Garden of the Sun lay in the distance, soft and yellow, but Kaguya was too distracted to notice they were flying away from it.

"I'm curious," Kaguya piped up, "Why are you wearing a hard hat? I knew you were butch, but it doesn't really seem like your style."

"Eh?" Hoshiro felt around on her head until she found the sturdy pink plastic garment. "I don't know! I only got it for DIY. I must've put it on without thinking."

They flew over the trees for another minute, then Hoshiro spoke again. "Since when am I butch?"

"Well," Kaguya said carefully, "since..." She gestured broadly at Hoshiro, her shorts, tank top, boots and muscles, and her entire personality. "You know?"

"I'm not, though!" said Hoshiro. "Half of these are pink! But I'm not femme either."

"Oh." Kaguya nodded thoughtfully. "Are you trying for any style in particular?"

"Yes! Hoshiro style!" declared Hoshiro.

"Oh, I see." Kaguya giggled. "Cute Tomboy™ who fell backwards through a charity shop. In other words, anime cosplay brawler athleisure sporty city pop chic!"

"What are you two TALKING about?!" screamed Cirno. "We're almost there! Heads in the game, ladies!"

"Ooof... That was a mistake." Hoshiro was drenched, her clothes charred all over, and she limped as she trudged away from Misty Lake. "I was sure that was the Garden of the Sun! Flandre doesn't mess around..."

"At least you patched things up with Remilia," Kaguya pointed out. "And then started a whole new feud with Meiling. Did you have to faint when the maid kissed your hand?"

Hoshiro went red. "I didn't faint! I just had to gather my thoughts."

"If you wanna know what I think," Cirno piped up, "Katara belongs with Ty Lee."

A few moments went by in companionable silence.

"It's getting rather late," declared Kaguya. "Let's go back home-"

"Oh, yes! We still haven't checked the Bamboo Forest!" cried Hoshiro, brightening up considerably. "Come on, let's scour every last inch of the place!"

Kaguya groaned. "Must we?"

"I don't want to keep Rumia waiting," complained Cirno.

"There's no time to lose!" Hoshiro insisted. "We'll rest when ecology is safe!"

Ecology seemed pretty safe in the forest. The usual ferns and scraggly bushes were joined by throngs of flowers, like a sea of colour lapping around towering bamboo stalks.

"Flowers, flowers and more flowers. The flowers never stop!" Hoshiro was hoofing it, crashing through the undergrowth without a hint of weariness.

"I know someone else who never stops," groaned Kaguya, trudging along behind her. "Come on, Hoshiro, we've been walking for hours! I want to go home and soak my feet!"

Hoshiro pointed at a muddy pond between stalks of bamboo. "Soak them in that vernal pool!"

"I'd rather not," said Kaguya.

"Scrub them with snow! I can make you a pile of snow and a frog for a sponge!" squealed Cirno.

"I'd rather die," said Kaguya.

Hoshiro gasped in horror. "Oh, don't say that! Dead people can never wash their feet! All you need to do is..." Her nose wrinkled. "Is something burning? Kaguya, can you smell it too?"

"It's probably just my thighs chafing, or-" Kaguya sniffed. "Or, um-" She sniffed again. "Do you know, I can smell something! This way!"

Kaguya grabbed Hoshiro's hand, slung Cirno under her arm and took off at a sprint, weaving between sturdy bamboo stalks towards the smell. Hoshiro crashed through bushes and clusters of flowers until Kaguya screeched to a halt.

"What is it, Kaguya?" asked Hoshiro.

"Her," said Kaguya coldly. "Look yonder."

Hoshiro looked yonder. There was a house in the clearing, and all around it the ground had been scorched and blackened. A white-haired woman in baggy red trousers stood at the heart of the destruction, hurling waves of fire all around her.

"Mokou," snarled Kaguya. "She can't stand being surrounded by pretty things, so naturally she wants to burn down the world."

"What?!" Hoshiro's eyes blazed with anger. "How arrogant! How cruel! For every pure heart that yearns for love's sake, we have to end her reign! Kaguya! Be the Yue to my Katara and drop the moon on her! Cirno and I will attack at close quarters! Charge!"

"Drop the moon? Well, all right, then!" Kaguya couldn't help but smile. This was going to be so much fun to watch.

"Rain Wish: Two-Directional Shower!"

"Fujiwara: Wounds of Metsuzai Temple!"

"Breeze Wish: Wind Over the Rushes!"

"Exalted Personage: Forewarning of St. Germain!"

"Gifted Power: Spear of Apology!"

"Phoenix Rebirth!"

"Triumph's Shout: Ryujo Breath!"

Watching from the clearing's edge, slumped down with her chin in her hand, Kaguya breathed a heavy sigh. "I'm not complaining or anything," she said, "but this might be more exciting if you did something other than shout spell-card names at each other."

Mokou turned to glare at her. "And what's it got to do with you?"

"The thing is," Hoshiro said sheepishly, "my fight with Amaterasu took most of the special effects budget. This is all we can afford."

"Oh, well that's perfect!" Kaguya rolled her eyes. "Not as if the audience want action and excitement, is it? They'd probably prefer you two talking about your feelings anyway. As if Mokou has any!"

"Our parents tried to show us all we were loved, but for much of the time I felt like... A supernumary." Mokou sighed and wiped her nose. "The extra daughter who was just there, taking up space and food. I wanted to show them I was useful, so when Her Royal Loonyness humiliated my father, I started my quest for revenge."

"Oh, you poor thing!" Hoshiro wept, clasping Mokou's hand tenderly in her own. "That's no way to live. Your don't have to inherit your father's grudges! Nobody should!"

"Er, well." Mokou used her free hand to twiddle her hair nervously. "After we both turned immortal, the feud was just a bit of fun. Something to keep us occupied, as it were."

"But that sounds so..." Hoshiro turned away, staring moodily at the ground. "Why hate each other for fun?! You could be friends!"

"No need to patronise us," said Mokou heavily.

"You see," said Kaguya, "the relationship we've developed over the years is complicated. We don't hate each other in the traditional sense, we more sort of... Love each other violently."

"Do you hear something?" said Mokou, giving her a nudge.

"It's somewhat like the horseshoe theory, where love and hatred get closer as they- as they...?" Kaguya gasped. "Oh, point biscuits, it's that woman again! Quick, hide before she lectures us!"

"Er, what? Woman? What?" Hoshiro watched in amazement as Kaguya grabbed Mokou by the scruff of the neck and dragged her behind a bush. Cirno dove after them.

"I keep in touch with the heavenly gods. Uke Mochi was very impressed with you, you know. You're the talk of Heaven and/or the Lunar Capital," said Eiki. "Your father won't shut up about how his daughter 'almost defeated' the sun goddess."

Hoshiro gasped. "He acknowledged me as his daughter?!"

"Well, yes, seemingly."

"Yaaay!" Hoshiro threw her arms up in jubilation and gave Eiki a hug.

"Ah..." Eiki gently but firmly pushed Hoshiro away. "On that note, let's talk about you. Attacking a goddess in her own palace was arrogant, reckless and childish. Even if you fight for just causes, carrying on in this way will only get you into worse trouble."

"Eh?" Hoshiro was deeply confused. "I didn't attack Amaterasu! I asked her for help and she attacked me so I'd go away!"

"Did she indeed?" Eiki slid the Cleansed Crystal Mirror out of her pocket and read its shining surface. "Oh, she did, very well. I still don't understand your logic. Why would you, believing the moon had disappeared, assume there was an issue with the sun?!"

"Because the moon uses sunlight! I read about it in a book!" declared Hoshiro. "I never thought they'd want to hide the moon. What was that about?"

"Your friend Kaguya, behind the bush over there. She and Eirin wanted to escape the Lunarian government's surveilance, so they worked great magic to sever the planet's connection with the moon. They also hung up a cardboard moon to stop people from noticing."

"Ohhhh! But I noticed," said Hoshiro proudly.

"Yes, as did every other youkai, hence they put together the largest team of Incident-Resolvers in Gensokyo's short but eventful history to fight Eirin's expats and uncover the truth," Eiki said evenly.

"Wow...! You know so much!" Hoshiro sighed. "Everyone's so good at their things. Fighting the Lunarians, making cardboard moons...! I just go to the wrong garden and fight the wrong girl with the wrong parasol. I wish I knew how everyone else does it!"

Eiki wished she could say something about good planning, common sense and thorough investigations, but she had to tell the truth. "Incident-Resolvers rely on dumb luck, going out and fighting whoever they meet until finally they cross the one causing trouble. But Hoshiro, and this is very important, you aren't human-"

"That's right, I'm a dragon."

"Shut up. Try to understand, when solving problems you must make sure you solve the correct problem!" Eiki went on. "I believe we both want the same, to make the world a better place with words or deeds, but you won't accomplish that by wasting your energy on duels with rambunctious goddess. Listen, think, and work out what you do need to do, and you will be able to change the world."

"Oh..." Hoshiro pouted. "I do try! I always try! I just keep getting Incidents wrong."

"Trying and failing is not a sin, and no-one can rightly blame you for it. That's part of what I'm saying; you must keep trying, but it's just as important to learn from your mistakes. Gensokyo's natural laws give humans certain advantages, Reimu most of all, from which you can't benefit. Come to think of it, shouldn't the daughter of the Dragon God know this already?"

"Probably," said Hoshiro thoughtfully. "Natural laws... Natural laws are meaningless here so every kind of being can thrive! Which means, if I keep doing this and that with all my heart, I can make my dreams reality no matter what!" Hoshiro leapt to her feet, doing a double fist-pump.

"Wh-what?" Eiki regarded Hoshiro with mounting confusion. "No, I, how can I explain? While she can be fairly described as a 'world without common sense', Gensokyo still an internal logic which..." Eiki rubbed her now seriously achy head and sighed. "Oh, what's the point? I think I'll join Komachi for a nap. Leave us to our peaceful snooze, Forever Champion. This is the good deed you can do now."

Hoshiro watched her stride away through the forest.

"Thank heavens! I thought this was going to be another of her hour-long lectures," sighed Mokou, emerging from the bush with leaves strewn through her hair.

"I have cramps everywhere! I wasn't built for the outdoors," groaned Kaguya, having a stretch. "She isn't still watching, is she?"

"No. She was nice, though," said Hoshiro brightly. "Who was she?"

Kaguya threw Cirno at Hoshiro's head.

Hoshiro's stomach was rumbling by sunset, and her landing made the entire Human Village rumble. Ignoring a dirty look from Kosuzu, who had been painting the sign outside Suzunaan and was now pitch-black from her head to her elbows, Hoshiro ran to Keine's house and knocked on the door.

"Oh, hello again. Did you and your... pen pal have fun?"

"Yes, we had a very full day! Can I get my shopping-"

Keine belched and covered her mouth. "Pardon me. I just had a very lovely dinner, thanks to that little hamper you gave me. It was a very nice thought on your part!"

"Um." Hoshiro tilted her head. "Hamper?"

"You know, the basket of food you left after I fainted! I made some very nice beef udon," said Keine cheerfully. "There was probably enough for two, but I liked it so much I ate the whole lot."

"Beef... udon? Basket? The whole lot?! Aaugh!" Hoshiro put her head in her hands. "Guess I'm having okonomiyaki made of grass again."