The Legend of Hoshiro

Sent from the heavens, wielding rainbows and lightning in the name of peace and justice, Hoshiro Nijinazuma is Gensokyo's greatest warrior. Her decision-making skills, however, leave a lot to be desired.

Joined by like-minded friends, laughed at or reluctantly put up with by heroines from throughout the series, Hoshiro will fight her way through Touhou history and get every Incident completely wrong. What hilarious mishaps await her? Will she find love? The answers ("lots of them" and "maybe") lie within...

~Chapter 5 and a Bit: Night of Camera Flashes and Deadly Clashes~

"Wow, a real dragon! You're gonna be my best article yet!"

"Wha... Whah?!" Hoshiro looked around in a panic until she saw Aya hovering above her head. "Oh, hi! You were at the puddle-jumping festival, weren't you?"

"Yes! I had the geta stall!" Aya touched down on the gravelly path.

Hoshiro gasped. "I bought a pair! They were uncomfy and dreadful! I slipped in the mud at least five times!" she said brightly.

Aya's face tensed up, but her smile remined. "Like I said, I was looking after Hatate's geta stall. Anyway, I'm doing a series of articles on spell-cards now, so could you show me a few of yours?"

"Sure! Here's an idea," said Hoshiro. "I'll fire my spell-cards over the hillside, and you can take pictures here where it's safe! Sounds good?"

Aya smiled genuinely. "Why not? Okay, when you're ready!"

~Chapter 6: Shrine Maiden's Mission~

"Don't worry about it, Reimu! It was just some weirdo talking about weirdo stuff."

"I know, but... What if she was right? My shrine's been doing terribly these past few months. I might have to get a side hustle..." With a woeful look, Reimu slumped sideways and squashed her cheek against Marisa's shoulder. "I was going to clean the shrine today, but now I can't face it."

Marisa sighed. "Moping all day isn't gonna get you anywhere," she declared, stroking Reimu's hair. "Why don't we go and dig for wild rakkyu? They're delicious when you pick them yourself! Come on, you clearly need an adventure."

Reimu looked up at her, suddenly interested. "Maybe we should take a look around Youkai Mountain. She said there was-"

"Good morning, fellow Incident-Resolvers!"

Reimu and Marisa looked up in alarm as Hoshiro thumped down in front of the shrine. Cirno and Kaguya alighted rather more gently on the flagstones.

"Um," said Reimu.

"Oh, hi!" said Marisa.

"Guess what? I resolve Incidents now!" declared Kaguya, her eyes shining. "It's brilliant! I needed something to get me out of the mansion, and then I met these two."

Hoshiro gave Kaguya a hug. "We're glad to have you, aren't we, Cirno?"

"Enough of this gay banter," said Cirno gravely. "Reports have been coming in of a frog with an elder youkai's power, and such a thing could see the balance of power be seriously un-power-balanced."

"Are you joking? A frog?" scoffed Reimu.

"Quiet, you! Marisa, you must've heard something," said Cirno. "Did you?"

"Uh, no!" Marisa laughed nervously, laying a hand on Reimu's shoulder. "Actually, we were just off to Youkai Mountain for unrelated reasons. Guess you won't be cleaning the shrine today, huh?"

"...No," said a slightly mollified Reimu. "Some other day. So Hoshiro, you and your friends going somewhere that isn't Youkai Mountain for the usual half-baked reasons, right?"

"Not definitely!" said Hoshiro, puffing out her cheeks in annoyance.

"I do hope not," said Kaguya.

"Well, have fun. Unless you want to stay and clean the shrine!" Reimu broke out in giggles at the absurd thought. "All right, Marisa, I'm ready. To Youkai Mountain!"

"For love, freedom and free love!" agreed Marisa.

Watching them disappear over the horizon, Hoshiro was nonplussed. "Wow... Those two never slow down!"

"Crazy kids like them have more energy than they know what to do with," observed Cirno. "What're we doing now, anyway?"

Hoshiro gasped delightedly. "Let's clean the shrine! She said we could, and it'll be a nice surprise when they get back!"

Kaguya blinked. "I have always wanted to sponge down a torii, but do we have time for a sidequest?"

"You've got to be joking! I let you two in my team to have fun, not do chores!" agreed Cirno, folding her arms. "Even if cleaning was fun, that frog could still be out there!"

"Yes, good point. We've been looking for it since this morning!" said Kaguya. "Should we really abandon the pursuit for cleaning?!"

"Well..." Hoshiro bit her lip. "It'd be something! Instead of hunting, we could use our strength for a shrine maiden who can't take care of herself!"

Kaguya looked at Cirno. Cirno stuck out her tongue.

"You... Paid more attention to Eiki than you let on, didn't you?" said Kaguya carefully.

"Who's Eik-"

"The one with green hair you met in the Bamboo Forest! She's the highest judge of the dead in Gensokyo!"

"Oh." Hoshiro's eyes widened. "A yama?! I didn't know! But- but yes, I remember. 'Listen, think, and work out what you do need to do, something something change the world.'," she recited. "I think cleaning the shrine is what we need to do."

"Er, well..."

"Heroism means helping those who can't help themselves, however that is, and together we are a hundred maids!" Hoshiro insisted. "We'd make Reimu so happy! Isn't that worth it?"

"Forget it," pouted Cirno, looking deeply uncomfortable.

Kaguya gave Cirno a look. "You really are the Toph to her Katara, aren't you? Well, I'm convinced! Whatever challenges come our way, I won't rest until the shrine is spotless!"

"Kaguya, you're the best!" Hoshiro spun around, punched the air and launched into her speech. "Forever Champion, Hoshiro Nijinazuma! Princess of the Cosmos, Kaguya Houraisan! Cryogenic Sorceress, Cirno I don't know your surname! Together we clean for hygiene, tidiness and friendship! Draw your duster alongside my bucket of soapy water, and by our glowing hearts let the shrine be made pure!"

"What a crazy day. I had no idea there were so many kami for so many things!"

"It's not your fault! Religion isn't the kind of thing shrine maidens know about."

Reimu gave Marisa a withering look. Marisa burst out laughing, and together they carried on up the stairs to the Hakurei Shrine.

"At least we made some new friends," Marisa continued, kicking a discarded bar of soap off the path.

"I'm amazed," said Reimu, "that Sanae managed to arrange a sleepover tonight without me ever actually inviting her. That girl's something else!"

"She's way-" Marisa noticed something and furrowed her brow. "...Cool? Reimu, is that a mop and bucket up there?!"

They ran up the last few stairs to find three impromptu cleaning ladies asleep on the patio. Kaguya and Hoshiro were snuggled up together with Cirno curled up on top of them, a bucket wedged tightly over her head.

"I didn't think it was that late," said Marisa worriedly. "I ain't tired at all! Did someone slip us a barrel of coffee?"

"It's just an afternoon nap, Marisa! Although I don't know what they're playing at sleeping here." Reimu approached Hoshiro and tapped her on the head. "Hello? Hello?! Forever champion?!"

Hoshiro groaned softly and blinked herself awake. "Oh, hi again! We did some cleaning up," she said drowsily. "Like you asked."

"Clea... Cleaning?" Reimu's eyes widened. "You cleaned the shrine?!"

"I talked Kaguya and Cirno into it," Hoshiro informed her.

Realising her name was being worn out, Kaguya yawned loudly and sat up. "You were, um... Youkai Mountain! What happened there?" she asked while Cirno tried to get comfy again.

"We found a shifty goddess who'd just set up shop on the mountain! Her name's Kanako, and she has a shrine with loads of rope and things, and a green and blue shrine maiden for a daughter!" declared Marisa.

"And it turns out the villagers just love the shiny new Moriya Shrine," said Reimu wearily, "so I haven't been getting any business lately."

"Oh, that's a shame," said Hoshiro, ignoring a tide of swear words as Cirno tried to pull the bucket off her head. "But look on the bright side. With another shrine maiden working for an actual goddess, the village'll be twice as safe!"

Reimu's jaw dropped. "Actual goddess?! TWICE AS SAFE?! I'll show you twice as safe!" In a towering rage, she called the yin-yang orbs and leapt into the air. "Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal!"

Cirno had just managed to pull the bucket off with a pop. "A fight! Yippee!" she squeaked before falling under a hail of amulets.

Hoshiro and Kaguya pulled back and let the amulets breeze past them. Reimu was in full force, still at 3.86 power from her fight with Kanako, and her bullets came thick and fast.

"This is unbelievable!" cried Hoshiro, ducking under a persuasion needle. "Rewarding us for cleaning your shrine with a spell-card duel?! You're so thoughtful, Reimu! I've looked forward to facing you again for years!"

"Hoshiro, she... She's attacking us!" shouted Kaguya incredulously.

"I know! That's an integral part of danmaku!" breezed Hoshiro. "All right, time for our counterattack! Nijinazuma: Seven-Coloured Strike!"

"Eek!"

"Yipe!"

Marisa and Reimu dove for cover as seven bolts of lightning flashed exploded across the courtyard, lighting up the shrine and the flagstones in seven bright colours.

"She's strong!" Marisa cried. "I wasn't gonna try the extra stage until tomorrow!"

"Come to think of it, this is a strange choice for an extra stage. It's pretty much unconnected from Kanako, the Moriya Shrine and everything else," Reimu said thoughtfully.

"I don't understand," said Hoshiro. "Why are we sparring if it's...? Um, what's happening?"

Reimu groaned. "How is she so stupid? Do you ever listen to anyone, Hoshiro?!"

"Of- of course I do! Why, what's wrong?" said Hoshiro dolefully. "Didn't we clean up enough? We tried our best, and honestly, we aren't experts! You should've hired a cleaner if you wanted perfection."

Reimu closed her eyes and took a few steadying breaths. "Listen," she growled, "it's perfectly simple. I'm taking my anger out on you because you think Sanae's better than me. Do you understand?"

"So you're...?" Hoshiro scowled. "But that's so childish, and after we cleaned your shrine! I DON'T think Sanae's better than you!"

"She might be," said Kaguya.

"She was a bit nicer," said Marisa.

Reimu gave Marisa a look. "Unlike her, I can't waste time being nice when all of Gensokyo's depending on me!"

"Isn't wasting time your biggest hobby? I see you doing it every day!" said Marisa, smiling impishly.

Reimu screamed. "Right, get over there with those three! I'll take you all on!"

Marisa giggled, whipping out her hakkero. "Must be the phantasm stage if you're that upset. All right, let's go!"

"So?" With wide, curious eyes, Sanae looked between the battered Reimu and the amulet-weary Hoshiro. "Who won?"

"I did. A decisive victory," smiled Reimu, her arms folded and her nose held high.

"It was down to the last spell-card! She got me with a duplex barrier when I looked away! Reimu's so good," gushed Hoshiro, patting Reimu on the back. "It took Cirno and Marisa's combination to beat her!"

Reimu's smile vanished, she slapped Hoshiro's hand away. "D-don't tell her about that!"

"So you can be beaten! That's good to know," said Sanae sweetly. "How did you manage it, Marisa?"

"I'll see if your friends are back with that beer!" yelled Reimu, storming out of the shrine. "Kaguya, Cirn- Wait, who's this?" Her voice echoed back inside, growing fainter and eventually falling silent.

Marisa grinned mischievously. "Well, Sanae, you know how people use planks to flatten out soil when they're building?"

"No," said Sanae.

"Cirno was the plank," explained Marisa. "Reimu's bloomers were the building site. Ker-slamuel!"

"Cirno was frozen, so it didn't hurt her," Hoshiro cut in.

"And as for Reimu-"

"Vengeance will be mine!"

Reimu's shout cut through the merriment. Marisa looked up in alarm and saw Reimu standing in the doorway, a flailing kappa raised triumphantly over her head.

Marisa gulped. "Er, Reimu, let's be reasonable!"

"No. BANZAI!!!"

The kappa squeezed her eyes shut. Reimu hurled her acros the room. Marisa dove for cover, but it was too late, and Nitori slammed into her like a raincoated missile. They fell in a pile of black dress and blue waterproofs behind the kotatsu.

"Er," said Hoshiro, "who was that?"

"She followed me home," said Reimu sweetly. "I saw a little opportunity, and I made use of it it."

"Nice to feel wanted," groaned Nitori. "But I wish you'd tell me what you were planning first! Ow..."

"I'm going to love it here!" giggled Sanae.