The Legend of Hoshiro

Sent from the heavens, wielding rainbows and lightning in the name of peace and justice, Hoshiro Nijinazuma is Gensokyo's greatest warrior. Her decision-making skills, however, leave a lot to be desired.

Joined by like-minded friends, laughed at or reluctantly put up with by heroines from throughout the series, Hoshiro will fight her way through Touhou history and get every Incident completely wrong. What hilarious mishaps await her? Will she find love? The answers ("lots of them" and "maybe") lie within...

~Chapter 7: Catastrophe from Bhava-agra~

With a soft groan of pleasure, Keine sank into the steaming bath water and lay back. A cloud of bubbles embraced her shoulders and poking-out knees while her hair drifted out like silver kelp. After three days on her feet, teaching history by day and fighting youkai by night, her mind was made up to bathe like a queen.

Right when she was drifting off to sleep she heard a thumping on the door. "Keine! Keine, it's an emergency!" a familiar voice shouted. "I need your advice!"

Keine groaned. "Aaugh, Hoshiro, I'm having a bath!"

There was a moment's silence, then: "Pardon?! Yoshi is going to head them off at the pass?!"

"I'M HAVING A BATH!" screamed Keine.

"Oh, sorry!"

No further shouting came from below. With a sigh, Keine shut her eyes and tried to relax. Then she saw a faint flash of pink through her eyelids, and when she looked again she saw Hoshiro standing in the room, wearing a bulky yellow messenger bag.

"For the love of rainbows!" wailed Keine. "What the Shinto papers are you doing? I'm TRYING to have a BATH!"

"I wouldn't do this if it didn't matter! There's an Incident!" Hoshiro insisted.

"Well, what is it?! Vampires?! Terrafirmavores?! Lunarians?!"

"Worse than that! Unseasonal weather!" declared Hoshiro. "Rain and sleet in summer! A sandstorm in the marsh! Morris dancers in the other marsh! No-one knows what caused it!" she said, gesticulating wildly. "There was sunshine on Kappa Valley! Snow on Youkai Mountain! Earthquakes in the third and final marsh! Something has to be done!"

"And what do you expect ME to do?!"

"That's just it! I need your advice!" explained Hoshiro. "Where can I buy a raincoat? It's the only waterproof I'm missing!"

Dark clouds were gathering over the village and Kosuzu didn't want to be caught out when they burst, so she hurried home through winding streets, her little leather shoes clapping on stone and soil. Not many people were out that day, so she had an easy run through the market square and along Shishi-Odoshi Street.

Just as she came near Keine's house, she heard a shout. Then a tall woman dressed in red and pink came flying through the wall, dripping wet, spinning helplessly across the road to crash down on top of a rickshaw.

"Ooof..." the woman groaned, rising unsteadily to her feet. "I'll find one myself! Have a nice bath," she said with a pout.

"Um," Kosuzu said timidly.

That afternoon, an unsuccessful Forever Champion treated herself to rice porridge and an onion tart, which she ate on the wall outside Old Tadashi's inn. A tornado was roaring faintly in the distance, but balmy sunshine dominated the market square, shining in the puddles from earlier. Hoshiro had stuffed her jumper inside her hefty, raincoatless bag, and now enjoyed the warm breeze in just a tank top.

With Kosuzu's help she'd found some second-hand raincoats, but they were all blue and much too small. No luck resolving the Incident either; Komachi had been more interested in comparing biceps, Wriggle had fallen into a deep sulk after losing at table tennis, and all she'd found by fighting Minoriko and Shizuha was that she was too hungry to think straight.

Not that she ever did anything straight, of course! Hoshiro burst out laughing and choked on some buttery pastry.

"So fair enough, that was a bust," a mildly deep and northern voice said. "But it was only Chen, and she doesn't exactly stay on top of current events."

"I was hoping for Ran or Yukari... Well, maybe not Yukari." A higher voice joined in, bringing with it the faint tapping of doll shoes on cobblestones. "Do you think we should ask Alice or Komachi?"

Hoshiro was coughing and spluttering like mad, heedless of the conversation fast approaching.

"No, that'd be too mainstream." Marisa came around the corner and onto the market square, followed by Reimu. "It could be Remilia up to no good, or the new goddesses, the tengu... Or a dragon, maybe?"

"A dragon... Speak of the devil!" Reimu cried. "Isn't that Hoshiro over there? She looks like she's having... fun?"

"Oi, Hoshiro, are you all right?!" Marisa yelled, running over to her.

"I'm... Peachy..." groaned Hoshiro, draped over the wall like a very unusual tablecloth. She'd managed to swallow the pastry, but her bowl of porridge had become a pile of ceramic shards dripping down a nearby tree.

"We're looking into the earthquake that destroyed my shrine," declared Reimu. "It's probably part of the Incident causing all the strange weather. Do you know anything about it?"

Hoshiro smiled sheepisly up at her. "I'm on the case too. I got nowhere, so I stopped for lunch- breakfast, really- and now you're here! Hi!"

"Great to see you!" giggled Marisa. "Who'd you talk to? And more importantly, what were you having?"

"An onion tart and sweet porridge! Most of it was good!" Buoyed up by such a nice subject, Hoshiro leapt to her feet. "For the weather, I investigated Komachi, Wriggle and the Akis; no good. Cirno and Kaguya were busy, so they haven't come."

"You're doing as well as usual, then," said Reimu matter-of-factly.

"I know, and weather's so important!" Hoshiro said with an angry sigh. "But what do I do? The tornado's clearly a red herring. Raijin and Fuujin don't talk to me, Dad would say I wasted his time, Amaterasu isn't an option..."

"That's a shame." Reimu nudged Marisa and whispered. "What circles does she move in, exactly?"

"Circular ones?" Marisa responded with a shrug.

"...And the damage if I fail would be awful! I have to get it right this time! What makes weather happen, how and why?! Who could be responsible?!" Hoshiro paced up and down, her voice getting louder every time she pointed dramatically at nothing. "The culprit could be a tengu, a dragon or one of the Moriya! Then there's serial weather-changer Remilia, or- or what if it's me and I don't even know it?!"

"That's funny, we were thinking along similar lines. Maybe through teamwork..." Marisa said thoughtfully.

"Oh, don't say it," sighed Reimu.

"Hey, Hoshiro, here's a thought!" Marisa said brightly. "Why don't you come with us?"

Hoshiro froze in mid panic, then let out a gasp of delight. "Come with you?! I'd love to!"

"Ohhhh, Marisaaargh! If we take her along, we'll get pulled into a hopeless wild goose chase and not achieve anything!" wailed Reimu.

"Don't write me off! I know I can fix things if I try!" Hoshiro shouted, her eyes full of determination. "It's like Eiki said. 'Focus on what you need to do, something something change the world!' I helped clean your shrine. I beat Wriggle at tennis. If I can just avoid getting everything wrong like before, we'll be fine!"

"Well..." said Reimu, biting her lip and avoiding Hoshiro's gaze.

"Come on, Reimu, let's give her a chance! We know she's strong and curvaceous and wants to do the right thing, she just goes off in the wrong direction sometimes! Most times! Almost every times! We can work around that." Marisa turned and gave Hoshiro a smile. "All right, Hoshiro-chan, you're in!"

"Wow...! You really meant all that?!" Hoshiro couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"All of it! Especially curv- Except curvaceous," said Marisa.

Hoshiro squeaked in delight. "Then I'm with you to the end! Count on it!" She spun up into the air, a multicoloured explosion lighting her from behind. "Forever Champion, Hoshiro Nijinazuma! I fight for sunshine, warm breezes and gentle rain! I pledge to stand with you, Incident-Resolvers! Together, flying into the storm for a bright and peaceful future!"

Reimu breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. "Fine," she said quietly. "Fine!" she said a lot less quietly. "If we have to do this, let's go. Our first destination is the Scarlet Devil Mansion!"

Reimu led them west, flying at a steady pace past fields, grass, trees, then finally over the gravel beach that encircled Misty Lake.

They followed the curve of the shore, but it seemed Misty Lake was even mistier than usual. Reimu shivered in her flimsy shrine maiden attire. "It's freezing around here!"

"I can help!" Hoshiro touched down in a mild explosion of gravel. She unshouldered her bag and dug into its contents. "Let's see... I brought a scarf, mittens and a fez! Who wants what?" she declared, flying back up with her arms full of clothing.

"You brought all this stuff?!" gasped Marisa, quickly helping herself to the rainbow scarf.

"The weather's going mad! I had to be ready," explained Hoshiro, handing the pink mittens with orange hearts to Reimu. "Sadly I forgot lunch."

"Marisa will treat you... No, no thanks." Reimu waved away the vivid cerise fez.

"I'll wear it, then." Hoshiro pulled off her floppy mob cap and slid the fez over her horns. "How do I look?!" she grinned, striking a fierce pose.

"You know," said Marisa.

"About the same as usual," said Reimu.

"Yay!" Hoshiro squeaked.

A little warmer, they carried on to the mansion. An endless parade of flowers stretched out for miles across the garden, but they looked grey and miserable in the misty weather, and so did Meiling as she doggedly mattocked a raised bed.

"Morning, Meiling!" yelled Marisa, touching down on the path beside her.

"Well, this is a surprise!" Meiling stopped attacking the loam and leaned on her gardening tool. "We weren't expecting any visitors on a day like this. Are you here for business or pleasure?"

"Business. My shrine was ruined in an earthquake and the weather's acting very strangely; an Incident if ever there was one. We're here to see if Remilia knows anything," declared Reimu.

"I see," said Meiling thoughtfully. "I suppose you can go in and ask, but the mistress is quite busy painting her new Pretty Cure action figures.

"You can get those in Gensokyo?!" said Hoshiro, her face lighting up.

"I wouldn't know. She never tells me anything, except when she wants to play dressing-up and Sakuya's busy, or she wants someone to read her a story-"

"Let's not impugn Lady Remilia's reputation TOO much!" Suddenly Sakuya was standing right next to Meiling, a tray of brightly-coloured drinks in hand. "She prefers chaptered books at bedtime, even those without any pictures. Would any of you care for a drink?"

"I'd love you- Love one!" If Hoshiro's face had lit up at the thought of a Pretty Cure action figure, now it was blindingly bright, and her cheeks were as pink as peaches. "Y-you're so kind to think of us!"

Meiling gave her a look. "Do you want to take everyone's coats inside, Hoshiro?"

"No! That's the last thing I want to do!" Hoshiro said vehemently.

Smiling serenely, Sakuya strutted first to Reimu and then to Marisa, handing each a glass of wine. "The two thousand and eight is an excellent vintage! I aged it a hundred years last week. Now, Hoshiro..."

All of a sudden, Hoshiro felt a tightness in her chest. She stared down at the toes of her boots until Sakuya's buckle shoes pranced into view, all shiny and dark blue. Her white socks hugged two perfect toned calves, above which her thighs were strong and thigh-shaped beneath a perfect wreath of blue cotton and white frills-

"Hello? Would you care for a glass?" Sakuya tapped Hoshiro on the shoulder.

Hoshiro straightened up like a leaf spring. "Yes please! In a glass, please!"

Sakuya giggled, her pink lips parting over beautifully shiny human teeth. Hoshiro practically melted at the way her sharp sapphire eyes flashed.

"Wine in a glass," Sakuya presented the wine with a flourish and a wink, "for a dragon with class!"

"Th-thank you..." said Hoshiro shakily. She opened her mouth and poured the wine down the front of her jumper. "W-wow, that really t-tasted good..."

Reimu was just finishing her wine, pouring it in her mouth the conventional way. "Right," she said, "with that out of the way, let's talk about-"

"I know what we can do!" cried Meiling, suddenly the centre of attention. "A spell-card duel, three on three! It's the perfect way to make our guests feel welcome and warm ourselves up!" She smiled a dangerous smile. "Hoshiro's mine."

"Really, Meiling, I was only being friendly."

"Excuse me," said Reimu.

"And this will be friendly, Sakuya! A friendly duel between friends."

"Excuse me!" said Reimu.

"Great idea! Let's get warmed up before whoever's actually in charge of the Incident!" said Marisa, jumping up and down excitedly.

"EXCUSE ME!" screamed Reimu. "Even if we put everything else to one side, there are only two of you, so the duel can't be three on three!"

Meiling's brow furrowed. "Well, er-"

"Dual Hellfire Wave!"

A window slammed open high above them. From a shadowy pink balcony leapt Remilia and Flandre, the former dressed in pink and white, the latter dressed in blue and black.

Remilia touched down on the flower bed in a dainty yet powerful pose. "Emissary of shadow, Cure Lavender!" she yelled.

Flandre landed beside her, adopting a martial artist's stance. "Emissary of shadow, Cure Blonde!" she yelled.

"Together we are Doracure!" the girls shouted as one.

"Incident-Resolvers of the Eastern Wonderland..."

"Return to the bright sun from whence you came!"

"But seriously, Remi, 'Doracure' only works in Japanese! How are we supposed to say it in English? 'Dracu-cure' or something?"

"Don't ruin the moment!"

"I'm only saying..."

Marisa stared. Reimu stared. Hoshiro stared. Meiling sighed and Sakuya laughed fondly. Flandre blushed. Remilia realised her shoes were smeared with flower bed and let out an angry sigh.

"About the weather," Reimu began.

"Anyone for more wine?" offered Meiling.

"We do know one thing for sure: Flandre's still Flandre." Marisa loosened her borrowed scarf, which had picked up a few tears and burns during the fight. "So exciting, though, fighting all three of them at once!"

"I just loved the way Sakuya commentated," sighed Hoshiro, strolling along the dry forest path. "'Remilia is using Spear the Gungnir, her ultimate technique! Surely even Marisa doesn't have the speed to dodge that?!'. What a voice, what a sense of drama..."

"You really have it for her, don't you?" Marisa said with a knowing smile.

Hoshiro's cheeks reddened. "A bit! Fierce femmes like her are my type."

"I get it. She and Meiling are together, though, so bear that in mind."

"Ah..." Hoshiro looked sad for a moment, then her expression turned more determined. "I'll get a grip on myself next time. Love is most precious of all, and even if it hurts I'll support them!"

"If you two schoolgirls are quite finished," said Reimu, "we're coming up on the Genbu mudflats. We'll start looking around by air, then move up into the valley... Oh, gosh, it's really getting warm." She wiped her forehead with her sleeve. "Is anyone else feeling the heat?"

"Don't worry!" Hoshiro plonked her messenger bag down once more and spent a few seconds rummaging inside. She emerged with a big, floppy straw hat and a parasol. "You won't want the hat, Marisa?"

"Only when it's actually summer." Marisa accepted the parasol from Hoshiro and erected it with a flourish. "For now I'll be the umbrella witch!"

"It is actually summer," said Reimu.

"I don't care," Marisa said brightly. "Can't hear you over how sweet my hat looks."

"It's very witch shaped!" Hoshiro observed, rolling up her trouser legs.

"Witch shaped. I love that!" giggled Marisa. "Every morning it's like, 'Hell yes, I'm shaped like a witch wearing all my cute witch clothes doing ordinary witch stuff!'"

Hoshiro laughed. "That's how I feel! 'Yay, I'm a magical fighting heroine in stompy boots and nice clothes doing heroic fight magic... girl... things!'"

"Girl power!" a passing Merlin Prismriver yelled, giving them two V signs.

"Apropos of what?" asked Lunasa.

"I wouldn't pair those sleeves with those buckle shoes myself," said Lyrica.

"Who asked-? I mean, we don't have time to talk about fashion with the weather going bananas!" Reimu chastised them.

"You've noticed it too, then?" said Lunasa. "Our mansion was hit by meteors last night. We've only just finished patching up the roof!"

"Meteors?!" Marisa gave Reimu a worried look.

"We haven't heard anything about meteors. Do you three know anything? Where they might have come from, or who sent them?" asked Reimu.

"No!" Lyrica shook her head.

"But we have seen Kappa Valley go from snow to wind to hot sun in less than two days!" Merlin recounted. "And the only creature that can control the weather and make meteors happen is a... Dragon..."

"What are you saying, sister?" asked Lyrica.

"Yes, what are you saying?! You can't think Meiling did this!" gasped Hoshiro. "She's jealous sometimes but she isn't evil!"

Merlin looked at Lyrica, confusion writ large on her face. Lyrica shrugged uncertainly. Her eyes met Lunasa's, and the two of them nodded.

Lyrica rolled up her sleeves and summoned her keyboard. "Emissary of Music, Lyrica!"

Merlin unsheathed her trumpet. "Emissary of Music, Merlin!"

Lunasa pulled her violin from under her hat. "Emissary of Music, Lunasa!"

"Together we are the Prismriver Ensemble! Tone-deaf dragon and her chorus of enablers, return to the discord from which you came!"

"...And my ability's called 'creation of nice weather', but lightning made of rainbows is nice, unlike earthquakes. I might not be able to make earthquakes! I never tried!" Hoshiro talked at length as the three trudged along muddy pathways into the Human Village. The sky was clear but the air smelled cold and damp; a whole day's worth of rain had fallen in a matter of hours.

"Good to know," said Reimu, stepping over some puddles. Her head was bandaged where Merlin's trumpet had struck during the fight. "I don't suppose you could make it sunny and dry some of this up?"

"That'd be 'shifting a celestial body and probably making Amaterasu hate me again', not 'creating nice weather'," Hoshiro said apologetically.

"That's a pity," said Reimu. "The village has excellent drainage, though, so we don't have to worry about flooding or anything!"

Reimu worried about flooding as soon as she stepped onto the cricket pitch. "Uwaah! Soggy!" she yelped, hopping backwards and shaking muddy grass off her shoe.

"It's like a fourth marshland," Marisa said grimly, looking out over the sopping-wet green. "Hey, Hoshiro, I don't suppose...?"

"Of course!" Hoshiro looked around for a dry place to put her bag and chose an empty cricket bat barrel. She rummaged around, then her expression turned sour. "Ah... That's a mistake."

"What?" said Reimu curiously.

"I meant to bring my wellies," said Hoshiro sheepishly, pulling out a squashed cylindrical object wrapped in foil. A pleasant smell of pastry wafted out. "Who wants beef wellington?"

"Ooh, yes please!" said Marisa, licking her lips.

"I'd love a slice!" declared Reimu.

"Watch warmly, then!" Hoshiro pulled out a shiny metal picnic table and unfolded it on the baseball pitch, its four white legs sinking deep into the boggy grass. She unwrapped the beef wellington on the table and rummaged for a carving knife.

"Do you have a knife?" she asked after thirty feverish seconds.

"Here." Marisa reached under her skirts and took out a long serrated knife, which Hoshiro accepted.

Poking her tongue out in intense concentration, Hoshiro sliced through crumbly pastry and soft mushroom paté to the pinkish-brown beef below. She cut three slices, half of the wellington as a whole, and handed one each to Reimu and Marisa.

Marisa eagerly tucked in. "Wow, that's good!" she exulted.

"Very buttery pastry and- aaugh." Reimu scowled at the paté on her sleeves. "Delicious and messy."

"Like home cooking should be!" said Hoshiro, polishing off her slice.

"Can I ask something?" said Reimu, then without waiting for a reply she dove in. "Why are you here, Hoshiro? Trying to resolve Incidents when you could be a baker much more easily."

"Why?" Hoshiro blinked. "Isn't it obvious? I need to! Danger, cruelty, selfishness and greed... These vile things stain the world! I swore long ago to fight against-"

"Let me stop you there," said Reimu, putting a finger over Hoshiro's lips. "I can tell you aren't the kind of person who fights because for the sake of duty. I'm not judging you, but the Forever Champion stuff is for fun, isn't it? Because you want to."

"Eh?" Hoshiro scowled. "No, it's- Well, yes." Her expression softened. "I like to make people happy, I don't like evil, I like being strong and helping people, so I do want to do this. To make people's lives better, set right what's wrong, make people smile... And yes, I have fun! This is what I want to be! Is that wrong?"

Reimu shook her head. "No, no, I just wanted to understand..."

"All right." Hoshiro stood for a moment in silence. "Let's have iced tea! I'll go and get some!" she abruptly declared, running off to locate it.

"Mint for me, please!" yelled Marisa. She giggled. "It's like if Cirno was six feet tall with muscles like boulders. Cuuuute!"

"Yes..." Reimu frowned. "She is, isn't she?"

"You seem worried, Reimu," Marisa demonstrated her fantastic observational skills.

"Of course I do," said Reimu. "The question I've been wrestling with, Marisa... What on Earth is Hoshiro's deal?"

Marisa blinked. "Her deal? Magical fighting heroine, of course!"

"I know. And so much more," Reimu explained, her brow furrowing. "When I first took up the orbs, Yukari told me to watch out for something called Mary-Sues. Strange people with incredible powers, full of passion and energy, ready to change the world."

"That does sound like Hoshiro. But it also sounds like any ordinary woman here in Gensokyo," Marisa pointed out.

"But that's the thing," said Reimu. "These people come from elsewhere, and they're TOO powerful, too impressive, too popular and too good at everything. They push people around and try to do everything their way, help themselves to four or five girlfriends, and suddenly everyone loves them and Gensokyo's become their playground!"

"Well, that sounds like a nightmare, but Hoshiro doesn't push anyone around! She respects us, she's been helping us with clothes all day-"

"I know she behaves nicely," Reimu cut in, "but she worries me. Think about it. Her name means Rainbow Lightning Star Child, she's strong and tall and quite good-looking, she can go toe-to-toe with Amaterasu, she has the most incredibly sweet personality and she always tries to do the right thing! Isn't all that too good to be true? I don't want us to be eating out of her hand!"

"We ate the beef wellington with our own hands, not hers! Jeez Louise..." Marisa took a deep breath. "Maybe you understand something I've missed, but I don't see anything wrong with Hoshiro! Most of our friends could last a few rounds with Amaterasu, and we all have cool names and powers! I use rainbows and star magic, Sakuya controls time, Yuuka can blast through mountains, it's no big deal. As for 'too powerful', you can float above reality and become invincible, so you're one to talk!"

"I hear what you're saying," said Reimu thoughtfully. "But... I can't say this without sounding mean, can I? We're naturally part of Gensokyo-"

"Not Sanae," said Marisa. "Or Suwako, Kanako, Sakuya, Eirin, Kaguya, Reisen, Remilia, Flandre, Mamizou, Miko, Byakuren and Meiling. Hoshiro's been here for years now, Reimu! If she was gonna try and take over, she'd have done it already."

"I never thought about it like that," Reimu said quietly. "Outsiders, even strange and powerful ones, becoming part of the community... Friends, or enemies we still like playing with. And the spell-card rules make 'too powerful' and 'not powerful enough' meaningless concepts. Then-"

"Can I say something?"

Reimu and Marisa both turned. Hoshiro was standing there, a complicated expression on her face and three glasses of iced tea in her arms.

"Oh, um..." said Reimu awkwardly.

"Sure," said Marisa. "But first, let me just take my drink off your hands."

Hoshiro cleared her throat. "I don't fully know what this is about," she said, "but I've heard of Mary-Sues. And what I think matters, what they don't have, is respect. When you move to a new world you should respect it, but Mary-Sues expect it to be their world and work their way, or else! They treat everyone else as toys, servants or decoration. Their looks and powers don't matter, being pushy is the problem!"

"So..." Reimu frowned thoughtfully. "It's not necessarily a square peg in a round hole, nor a square peg that's too charismatic, but a square peg being hammered in where it can't fit? Damn the consequences, my square peg is special and the hole will just have to deal with it?"

"Sort of." Hoshiro nodded, then her expression soured as though she was bracing herself. "So you think I'm one?"

Reimu winced. "Er, well..."

Marisa swallowed a mouthful of iced tea. "No, 'course not!" Then she embarked on a long coughing fit and almost spilled the rest of her drink.

"I was worried about it. You're a lot to get used to, Hoshiro," said Reimu, trying not to sound accusing. "I mean, you don't do yourself any favours by-"

"I used to worry too," Hoshiro said, a pained look on her face. "When I was a child. I was 'too much', I didn't deserve to be what I wanted. 'You can't be brave and powerful and confident and dress that way and make friends and live on your own and do your own cooking and resolve Incidents AND be a woman, surely?!' That sort of thing."

Hoshiro took a moment to breathe. "My parents weren't monsters, but I learned I was only meant to be some things. Not being the noble kami Father wanted was selfish. Everything I did was stupid if you asked Mother. The more I grew into myself, the more that made me a loud-mouthed weirdo who needed taking down a peg! Nothing about me was right!"

"Gods, I- I don't know what to say," Reimu said softly. "Sorry if this Mary-Sue stuff brought back bad memories, or made you think- I mean, you're fine! No-one should feel bad because they stick out, and you do stick out, but... I think I understand now."

Reimu gazed into the pale blue sky, her eyes distant. "Every one of us is different. Some of us wear shorts, some of us dress up as witches... Some people want a quiet life and some want to solve everything. But we're all people, aren't we? Nobody's born a Mary-Sue."

"That's just it, Reimu!" Marisa was smiling, looking up into the sky right beside her. "It's about what we do, what we decide to be, the places we make for ourselves in the world! You could be the most boring, down-to-earth woman ever and still be horrible company, or you could be flashy and super-cool like something out of a dream... And try, keep trying, to be a good friend and help people without stepping on their toes."

"Y-you two..." Hoshiro sniffled and dabbed her eyes with a lacy handkerchief. "I'm so glad... I thought-"

"Awww, isn't this touching?" a loud voice said. "You're so lucky to have friends who care about you!"

"What?!"

"Friends?!"

"Who are you?!"

Reimu, Marisa and Hoshiro whipped around in astonishment to see a blue-haired girl, wreathed in storm clouds and wielding a golden sword, descending towards the mountainside.

Perched on the sofa in Keine's breezy sitting room, Kosuzu gasped in shock. "She really teleported in while you were having a bath, just like that?!"

"Yes, really! To be fair to her, she took her boots off before coming in, but even so." Keine sighed. "That girl just doesn't think before she acts."

"So, um..." Kosuzu cleared her throat, just a little nervous. "You threw her out of the window?"

"No, through the wall."

"Oh." Kosuzu couldn't think of anything else to say, so she laughed awkwardly. "Anyway, I've got lots of book deliveries to catch up on now the rain's stopped, so I should be going. 'Bye!"

"Don't be a stranger!" Keine watched her skip out of the house.

"So wonderful to meet you at last!" Tenshi said, smiling like the charming young lady she wasn't. "I've been so busy making storms and earthquakes all day, and I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

Reimu glared at her. "You mean this is your doing? My shrine, the weather, all of it?!"

"That's right," smirked Tenshi. "I've been looking forward to playing Incidents together! I hope you're ready to be the hero, Shrine Maiden of Paradise! Are you fired up, bursting with vengeful fury?"

"You bet we are! I ruined one of my best pairs of socks thanks to you!" shouted Marisa. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Tenshi Hinanawi, wielder of the Sword of Hisou. If you want me to stop changing the weather, I'm afraid we'll have to duel over it!" declared Tenshi, rubbing her hands with glee.

Reimu looked at Marisa. "She shows up, just like that?"

"Yeah. But I'm not about to complain," said Marisa, unsheathing her hakkero.

"Wait!" said Hoshiro. "I know Tenshi, and this reeks of her sister!"

"Sister?" said Reimu, raising her eyebrows.

"Um, which one?" asked Tenshi, wrongfooted.

"Emiko Hinanawi. She pulled my hair in martial arts, even though I was the supply teacher," said Hoshiro coldly. "She's the real culprit! She must be! You two take care of Tenshi, I'm going to-"

"Stop."

Hoshiro felt a strong grasp on her hand. "What are you doing, Marisa?! I have to-!"

"Stop!" barked Marisa. "I think I finally understand. You're holding back, aren't you?" she said softly. "Hiding behind your identity as 'the silly dragon who gets everything wrong'. Because you think people are going to like you more!"

"No, I..."

"You've always held back, haven't you?" said Marisa. "Beef wellington? It's literally impossible to mistake one of those for the boots! Don't get me started on everything else."

"But I... I'm not..." Hoshiro backed away. "What are you saying? I make mistakes on purpose?!"

"Maybe you don't mean to. Maybe you don't even realise that's what you're doing. But yes, I think you've been sabotaging yourself all along," declared Marisa. "Now it's time to stop. You're an Incident-Resolver, Hoshiro, and the enemy is right in front of you! Fight with us, flying into the storm for a bright and stable tomorrow!"

Hoshiro stood there, her heart pounding. She looked at Marisa, full of determination, and Reimu, staring at Marisa in stunned silence. She nodded. "I'll do it."

Hoshiro laid a clenched fist over her breast. Pink light flowed between her fingers and became a hilt, which grew into a katana as she drew it from her heart. "I'll do what I need to, Eiki. And something something change the world! For the honour of Ryugu-jou!"

"The what?" scoffed Tenshi.

"Ryugu-jou! Father's palace in Heaven, which is also under the sea and also the Lunar Capital! It's complicated!" explained Hoshiro. "Shouldn't a Celestial know that?"

Tenshi stuck out her tongue. Without another word, she raised her own sword and charged.

The Incident-Resolvers launched themselves into the fight. Hoshiro's sword flashed through the air, striking sparks off Tenshi's blade. Reimu swung her gohei furiously, whapping Tenshi with stinging blows. Marisa hung back and bombarded her with multicoloured stars that burst into sparks on her dress.

Tenshi fought through it all, laughing and whooping with every blow. Even when Hoshiro struck her with lightning and Reimu bombarded her with yin-yang orbs she smiled. Her eyes sparkled like snow on the mountaintops, eager for excitement, heedless of the pain.

Tenshi's eyes may not have been real snow, but it felt like holding back an avalanche. Her sword was sharp, her kicks were strong and her magic came like hail, but Reimu twisted herself between blows like a stalk of kelp, Marisa blasted through keystones and Hoshiro hit back every golden slash.

All four were soon panting, their muscles aching. Tenshi's eyes darted between her opponents, waiting for a chance to strike, but instead Reimu spoke.

"Is this... What you wanted?" she huffed, her tone accusatory. "Playing Incidents? We won't let you destroy an innocent Shinto shrine again!"

Tenshi laughed. "This is exactly what I wanted, Reimu! A real fight, with real stakes, like you get to enjoy every day down here! All we do in Heaven is dance, feast, read the newspaper and write poetry."

"Are you trying to make me jealous?!" cried Reimu. "It sounds like you're living the dream!"

"It's boring! They expect me to be contented, enjoy the carefree life of a good Celestial," scoffed Tenshi. "As if doing the same thing every day without novelty, instability, danger and action is life! No thank you."

"Tenshi... I know you feel." Hoshiro stepped forwards. "It might not be the same, but my parents wanted a different child. The guilt, the weight of expectations was crushing! I chose my own path, though, like you."

Marisa and Reimu watched her, half worried and half hoping for some success.

Tenshi gave her a funny look. "This isn't really about my parents-"

"They wanted a dutiful child who dressed nicely, helped with their work, brought honour to the family, and most crucially did nothing unexpected," Hoshiro went on, ignoring her. "I wanted my parents to love me, but in the end I wouldn't throw away my happiness to be their son!"

"No, you aren't listening, I didn't do this to spite my-"

"So I became a magical fighting heroine, damn what anyone thinks of me! And I agree, you deserve to follow your own path, but starting fights and natural disasters helps no-one! All you'll do is make enemies, Tenshi." Hoshiro lowered her sword. "We don't have to fight! I know you don't want to be hated. Put away the keystones and end this."

Tenshi's eye twitched. "Once again, you aren't listening-"

"It's true," said Marisa, stepping forwards. "My dad was a man who... Well, let's just say he didn't care for alternative lifestyles. I rebelled against him big-time and got really into dark magic, and for a while I was a villain if anything. I was strong, I was living for myself, but I was hurting people! Now that I'm helping people and only doing petty crimes for good or at least neutral causes, I feel so much better!"

"Tenshi, please! Sheathe your sword!" Hoshiro stepped slowly towards her, hands held out pacifyingly. "Your path leads to destruction! Take the better path to a peaceful new life. I know it looks steep and muddy, but we can give you a stick and a pair of... Well a snack. It's in foil, keep a slice for later-"

"For the last time," growled Tenshi, "I! Don't! Want! Peace! Take your beef wellington and eat it!"

In a flash of gold, Tenshi stabbed Hoshiro below the chest.

"Aaahhhow!" Hoshiro's expression turned to shock and dismay.

"Are you satisfied?" smirked Tenshi. "This is what happens to people who patronise-"

Hoshiro grabbed the sword, gritting her teeth through the pain. "Nijinazuma..."

Tenshi's eyes widened.

"SEVEN-COLOURED STRIKE!"

"Aiyeeeeee!" Tenshi's skeleton flashed like a fluorescent beacon as the multicoloured lightning poured through her.

"Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal!"

"Aaaargh ow ow ow owowowow!" Tenshi covered her face as she yin-yang orbs battered her all over.

"Love Sign: MASTER SPARK!"

"Yeeeowch! Aaaaaaugh, why?!" Tenshi experienced a great deal of pain as the love-coloured energy beam blasted her hat right off. "Fine, I get it! I'm going home! Owww..."

"She didn't stop until she was all the way back in Heaven!" Reimu recounted, loud and red-faced after a few cups of sake. "Her bloomers were definitely smouldering. But that's what happens when you mess with the three of us!"

"Heck yeah, it's- It was like-" Marisa hiccupped. "Your hair's green."

"It's me, Sanae! We've met before," Sanae said patiently. "That's a no to more drink, then?"

"Yes please!" Marisa made a grab for the bottle, but missed and decanted herself onto the floor.

With a sigh, Sanae turned to Hoshiro. "Any more for you?"

"No, thank you. Two cups is my limit."

Marisa burst out laughing. "A limit?! Two cups?! Next thing you'll be saying you like men!"

Reimu giggled.

"I don't get it," said Hoshiro. "It's good to have a limit! After three drinks, I turn VERY silly."

Sanae cleared her throat. "Are you all right?" she asked, gesturing to the bandages wrapped tightly around Hoshiro's abdomen.

"Hm? Oh, this? I'm fine! Dragons can take a few stab wounds without- Ow." Hoshiro winced. "As I was saying, dragons can take a few stab wounds without any trouble."

"Cool! What was it like, then, fighting a Celestial?"

"Loud, enthusiastic, pointy..." Hoshiro giggled. "Very rough and stubborn. I couldn't talk her out of it." Her expression turned sombre. "Really thought Marisa and I were getting through to her, but no, she just wanted her fill of violence. What a shellfish- I mean selfish individual!"

"Right, and what did she look like? Were her boots as tall and heavy as everyone says?" Sanae asked eagerly.

"I didn't see the boots. Her hair was blue, and her dress, and she had a red sash. No, orange. No, yellow! Green! Blue! Purple! Well, all of them, in sort of that order," said Hoshiro.

"No no no, they were massive stompy brown ones! I had a good view of them when I was getting kicked," Marisa said firmly. "Only once, thanks to Miss Forever Champion over here!" she added, putting her arm around an empty chair. "Best tank ever! I never felt so good as a magic ranged DPS."

Hoshiro's cheeks went pink. "Don't sell yourself short! You were hitting her as hard as I did."

"I should've said, by the way..." Reimu cleared her throat. "I'm glad you came. Don't get me wrong, I could've taken on Tenshi without any help, but you were brilliant! You too, Marisa. Great to finally get to know you!"

"You mean-" Marisa hiccupped. "You mean get to know her, right?"

"Yes!" Reimu nodded firmly. "And you, the way you talked to her and sorted her out, I'm no good with emotions and stuff, so... So well done! Thank you a bunch, Forever Champion."

"You mean me, right?" said Marisa. "Ordinary Witch, right?"

"Aww," Hoshiro cooed, "I love you too! Well, I'm off to bed. See you later!"

Hoshiro stood up, stepped carefully over Marisa and wandered out of the shrine. She took off and soared away towards the setting sun.

Sanae observed her, smiling awkwardly. "She went completely the wrong way..."

Marisa burst out laughing. "Guess some things never change! That's our Hoshiro."

"Yes..." Reimu watched Hoshiro whirl around and fly the other way with something approaching a fond expression. "That's our Hoshiro."